2012 is already starting to be an awesome year – and it’s only two days old!
Instead of having a list of resolutions about what I want to change about myself and my current situation, I want to follow my advice about self-love by practicing what I preach. In other words, “walking the talk”, doing what I say I am going to do, being consistent and living with integrity – well, you get it.
A bit of background…
I spent most of my life being told:
- what to believe (a strict no-questions religious upbringing),
- how to feel (“Carol, you should feel happy about …”),
- how to dress (vanity is the work of the devil),
- why I do what I do (“you are purposely making me late so that you will make me embarrassed”),
- how to be a friend (“you have to be a friend to have a friend” – ignoring the fact that I had any rights in any relationship not to put up with verbal or other abuse!),
- how much others loved me (“I’m only telling you this for your own best interests because I love you so much”), and
- how much more they knew about me (“I know you better, Carol, than you know yourself”),
- and so much more, and the worst part of it all was that
I believed them and allowed these people in my inner circle of life to override my intuition and self-love.
For most of my life, I put more credence into what others purported (and sometimes yelled to insist) to know about me, that I became invisible. In my personal life, I became the amorphous amoeba-like people pleaser that everyone else wanted me to be, and in the process, I fell-asleep to the wonderful, incredible, creative person who is me.
I woke up six years ago (and am happily divorced!) and have been on a path to self-discovery and acquainting myself with the Royal We (me, myself, and I) from whom I have withheld true love since birth. It has been too long without self-love!
2012 is the Year for Us!
2012 is going to be my year of affirmation and true love for the Royal We, and because of this goal I am already a happier, healthier person. I share my Royal We checklist with you in the hopes that your journey of self-love can advance to a place where you can become the great person you already are (and just don’t yet know!)
The Royal We Checklist
1. WAKE-UP: Did I begin the day truly thankful to be in the company of the Royal We? Did I thank myself for one great characteristic that I am proud to have?
2. GOOD MORNING! Did I look at myself in the mirror and notice at least one great physical attribute? (I love how my eyes sparkle!)
3. PUTTING ME INTO THE DAY: Have I planned my day to include at least one totally selfish, self-indulgent pleasure that I can do without anyone else? (It can be as simple as walking down to the seashore for 5 minutes because I live near the water or making sure that I look up at dusk to enjoy the sunsets that I so love!)
4. CHOOSE TO SHARE UNCONDITIONALLY: It is MY choice throughout the day whether or not to share a great aspect of the Royal We with anyone else – to give, to smile, to complement, to help, to be courteous – and if so, it is my gift to the world without conditions or strings attached. If others choose not to receive or accept graciously, or reciprocate, that is THEIR choice and it has nothing to do with the value of my gift.
5. STOP THE GUILT programming from the past about anything in the present by affirming that the Royal We have rights! We have the right to our own earned income (the Royal We works hard), good food (yes, we deserve to indulge in our favorite cheese even if it is more expensive), good friends (who respect us and affirm us) and great experiences that we can afford. The life I am living today with the Royal We is the only life we have.
6. THE ROYAL WE COMES FIRST! Remind myself that I am the only one who can or ever should put the Royal We FIRST! It was a lie that I was taught to put others first and that then others will put me first – it is not the way that life works! It is a right of life that I should “put on my own mask first” before helping others… and it is about time that this becomes instinctual! (Sidenote: it is not a reflection on oneself when you have to terminate a “friendship” or other relationship that is toxic or off-balance or providing no value… it is a reflection on the incapability of the other person to be a friend to us.)
7. CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY ALONE WITH THE ROYAL WE. We are on this earth to be happy – to make heaven on earth… yet so many others attempt to make it a living hell for themselves and others! I choose to be happy today and everyday – content with the satisfaction that I am always in the great company of the Royal We!
8. LOSE THE ANTICIPATION and expectation of anyone outside of the Royal We. While “we” grew up with the Golden Rule and a giving nature, it is not an universal belief. The only change I can make in life is about me – not about anyone else, and THAT IS OKAY!
9. STAY COGNIZANT THAT WE ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN BEHAVIOR. When others behave badly, as they inevitably will – it is THEIR responsibility (not ours) to clean up the mess without our involvement! Just as we must take ownership of our own doings, others are responsible for:
- their actions (yelling, berating, ranting),
- their words (especially when negative, disempowering, disrespectful),
- their tantrums (stomping, screaming, pouting, silent treatment),
- their lack of support, and
- their judgments!
When the person in question is over the biological age of 2, remember to be thankful that we have the Royal We to hang out with.
10. LOVE THE ROYAL WE COMPLETELY AND UNCONDITIONALLY! I am reminded of the mom-ism (a saying from my mother): “remember wherever you go, there you are!” Finally at this awakened point in my life — I am truly grateful this is true.
WE, (The Royal We, that is) are going to have an incredible year and we hope that you do too! Happy 2012!