Tag Archives: recession behavior

Clues as to Why She Might NOT be into You… (especially for men over 40!)

10 Aug

Following on the coat tails of “He’s just not that into you,” I’ve developed a list of common behaviors rampant among men (over 40) in Florida.  Every one of these has happened to me in the past 6 months (!) and my friends concur that they experience the same thing.

While we see these as absolute turn-offs, we constantly have guy friends who say “We can’t figure out why she didn’t call/text/email me back – I thought we were soooo compatible.”

So, if you are over 40, male, straight, and living in Florida (and elsewhere), here’s the top 10 list of disrespectful behaviors that should give you a hint about:

  “Why she just might not be that into YOU”:

1. If she tells you she doesn’t like texting and you insist on texting anyways; it’s likely she won’t be into you.

2. When you ask the type of food she likes and disregard her response & take her to Hooters; it’s likely she just won’t be into you.

3. No advance date planning ahead of 3 hours; this is just plain narcissistic to think that we women are waiting by the phone for your call.  If we are busy and active, (which those of us who are emotionally healthy and happy ARE), we’re not going to find this an attractive behavior.  When you know we are busy and you still do this (because you are NOT busy),  it shows a lack of planning on your part and a lack of respect for our time;

4. Male whining about how bad your ex is/was; We don’t care (just like you shouldn’t care to hear crap about our ex’s!)  You’d be turned off about us bemoaning how horrid our ex is/was -and so are we!  It doesn’t matter what you ex did to you or who she was – unless you prefer to be with her than us… Regardless, this is a turn-off and we probably will just NOT be into you!

5. Smoking without first asking if it’s offensive; this is a big no-no – a guy who pulls out a cigarette in a crowded bar or car and then expects us to share the air with their nicotine.  Would you willingly take part in cancer research we subjected you to – that was harmful to your health?  Unlikely – and so if you do this to us (without asking if it’s okay or excusing yourself and walking away) – we’re most likely NOT going to be into you!

6. No showing after we reserve time when you’ve asked us out and then saying “it wasn’t really a date anyways;”  This one is simply amazing!  A guy I know (who insisted he really, really wanted to see me) pulled out the “I’m too sweaty and tired to see you tonight” after arranging a date a few days in advance.  His response when I told him that I had set aside the time was “well I can see you tomorrow or Friday or the weekend” – NOT!  Any busy, happy female realizes that this is plain disrespectful behavior to assume that he can see you when it is CONVENIENT for him… Gosh, it is any wonder when this happens that we are just not that into you?

7. Calling us “chicks” or “girls” when we are over 25. – Hey, we are women who deserve good treatment – we’re not school girls or barnyard animals (although you might like that – NOT!)  While you may not intend to be disrespectful – you need to know that this is how it comes across.  Don’t be surprised if we are just not into you!

8. Asking if you can meet up with us when we’re out with our girlfriends, then getting ticked off and leaving in a huff when we don’t devote all our attention to you.  This happened with a “friend” who wanted to go out with me (I told him I just wanted to be friends) – he shows up at a place where he knew I’d be with friends (the priority!), ignored my friends (despite being introduced) and tried to monopolize my time.  Is it any wonder after violating multiple points above (whining, smoking, disrespect) that he’s no longer even in the friends WITHOUT benefits category?

9. Ignoring responses to texts you’ve initiated – for hours or days – then expecting immediate responses when you finally do text back; This is a routine complaint from my single friends:  guys will text them and carry on a conversation (multiple texts) then drop “off the face of the earth” when they initiated the text thread in the first place.  When our responses to your texts go unanswered, is it any wonder why we don’t respond immediately when you decide it is convenient to text back?  If we sense a lack of respect or courtesy, you can bet that we will just not be that into YOU!

10. Whining (about anything and everything) – especially when we’re out somewhere. There is nothing more pathetic (and unattractive) than a guy who whines about how great their former city is compared to where we choose to live. Recently a transplant from Scranton, PA incessantly whined about the “high price of chicken breasts” here compared to “Scranton” – it got so bad that I started to encourage him to move back!  If you whine instead of expressing gratitude for life, don’t expect us to be into you!  We have enough drama in our lives without having to take on yours!

Now, I’m not saying all single men over 40 living in Florida (and elsewhere) are bad guys.  I’m simply pointing out that if you are puzzled by female behaviors that confuse or (at times) seem to stymie you – take a look again at the checklist items #1 through #10 – and see how many infractions are part of your regular behavior.

Certainly it is your choice whether you want to/don’t want to change, but if you do want someone to become special in your life, you may want to take a second look at what you might be doing to turn off women.  (And this is just a short personal list of what irks me and my friends – it might not hold true for other women.)

Wishing you all the best – do you agree with my findings above?

p.s., The next posting will concentrate on how to discern:  “You think she’s into you, but you’re just not sure:  A Checklist for Respectful Guys.”

Carol

Shortcuts and half-baked solutions

2 May

Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think. –Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wow!  Incredibly powerful words from decades ago – yet they have never been more true than today!  Whether in business or in personal affairs, no one seems to value hard work, persistence, or thinking these days.  Relationships are disposable, communication is impersonal (with text-message soundbites), governments look for the quick fix, corporations value capitalism over people, and shortcuts are the norm rather than the exception.

I don’t know about you, but my email inbox seems to attract an ever-increasing barrage of spam – most offering “get rich while you sleep” schemes – and it makes me wonder who is actually working while all of these salesmen are busy promoting.  At tax time (April 15), the Tampa Bay Times featured a front page article showing the latest scam where scammers submit fraudulent tax returns (using social security numbers of dead people) to “earning” an average of $9000. per return.  None of the offenders feared the IRS and they were proud of their endeavors.  Sheesh, what is our society coming to when someone’s 15 minutes of fame comes at a heavy expense to all of us?

Several months ago, the same paper profiled citizens among us vacationing on proceeds their insurance company paid out for sink hole claims for repairs never made.  Both stories highlighted the shortcuts that cost taxpayers millions.

Yet there are millions of other smaller shortcuts to fame and fortune and half-baked scams happening everyday all around us.

Why do we accept (and settle for) short cuts and half-baked solutions in life today? 

The first step to realization is to look at our behavior (before we look at others.)  Why do we take shortcuts or live with half-baked solutions to what ails us?  Probably because it is easier, less work, less stress, and comes with less risk of failure (and rework) to do the least possible.  This allows us to save our energy for things that “really matter” later.  As a result of not doing our best, we are dissatisfied with the results from ourselves or others.

Moreover, when we do do our best, people may not appreciate it, so why bother to spend extra effort?  When we look around, if everyone else takes shortcuts, why shouldn’t we?  The answer is that, in the process, we shortchange ourselves, our children (who learn by example), and our community.

We can see the results of our shortcuts and half-baked solutions everywhere: products don’t last like they used to; quality is down;  expectations are down; product failures are up; and morale goes awry. In the banking crisis, banking professionals bet against their own customers to pursue profits, got away with it, and even got a bonus bailout for their efforts.  No wonder our children seek shortcuts in everything they do.

The Buck has to stop somewhere…why not with us?

When we start to fully perform our work, invest in relationships (they take work), take time to do things right the first time (instead of half-baked), and insist on the same from others, our world (and morale) will improve. The America of yesteryear was filled with innovation, invention, progress, hope and dreams; hard work and integrity prevailed.

I envision a future where I can look back and be proud that I put the effort in to “fully bake” solutions – at least for my life.  How about you?

Wishing you a success-filled week.

Carol

Sparks of YES experiment… are you In?

23 Feb

Have you ever noticed how just one small “YES” can totally transform your day?  

When your day is filled with so many “NO’s”, even just one “YES” can make the difference and allow our spirit to soar.  Just one “YES” can make your heart skip a beat!

Imagine how transformational millions of  “YES” sparks could be!  (And that’s going to be my challenge to you at the end of this post – would you be part of a Sparks of YES experiment and spread the word?)

One YES can inspire another, and hopefully in turn inspire two others, and two more and so on and so on…until the collective inertia of the NO’s is overcome by what I call “The Sparks of YES” experiment.

Sound hokey?  Maybe… but whatever, I still think it will work.  Please read on.

The Culture of too many NO’s…

We live in interesting and perplexing times:  unemployment is at an all time high, more people have given up looking for jobs (why bother?)”, suicide rates are soaring, the divorce rate in Florida hovers at 75% (really!) and millions are easing their pain with everyday addictions (Florida leads the nation in oxycodone abuse)… Damn it, failure is (again!) the soup of the day.

What is puzzling is that we are the same species as we were before the banks plunged us into chaotic recession.  We are the same people who made this nation great, before the greed of Wall Street and the 1% took over.  It is NOT up to the 1% to take care of the 99% – they never have and never will.

What’s my name, do I belong ?

As a county (and  a state and a nation…) we have the same potential for success as ever, yet millions of our fellow citizens walk through their days feeling beat up, spit out, knocked down, and depressed.  They’ve sent out hundreds of resumes, knocked on countless doors, worn out pens filling out job applications, hit “apply” on computer screens – all without success.  We make millions of phone calls begging for mortgage relief, plead for food stamps, appeal to utility companies – and swear at more “automated”  voice response systems than we should in a lifetime.  And it all seems to come down to the same thing – no one seems to care, there’s so little forward movement, and every step we take seems to take us backwards.

UNTIL that one day-changing moment when someone says “YES”!

  • Yes, I can give you more time to pay that bill.”
  • “Yes, you can come to work for me.”
  • “Yes, your resume looks good and we will call you for an interview.”
  • “Yes, I gave you extra whipped cream on that latte for no charge.”
  • “Yes, you deserve my time.”

YES changes the world from shades of gray to Technicolor!  YES gives us hope.  A bit of YES spells potential success… (at least until the NO’s overwhelm us again.)  But I believe that we can overcome the inertia of so many NO’s, with lots of Sparks of YES!

My “YES” today came from my friend Steve…

I found a YES in my inbox today and it inspired me to write this post. (The second post in one day!)

I’d like to share my YES with you — My friend Steve took the time to send me this card (click on the link below and you can enjoy the experience yourself!). Thank you for inspiring me to create YES’s for others,  Steve! (Here’s the link: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=3382268653748&source=jl999 )

JacquieLawson.com

Overcoming Collective Inertia

I sometimes wonder “Where have all the caring people gone?”

The answer is that they have gone “underground” because they are also beat up, kicked down, and feeling sunk.  Why bother caring when no one else does?

A fire starts with a single spark – and can grow into a magnificent fire… a locomotive starts moving with a single burst of electrical ignition… we can become a positive society again if we convert our culture of NO into a culture of YES.

The Challenge…The Sparks of YES experiment

“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me…”

Where can you begin in your life to inject more “YES’s” ?  I challenge you to double your YES output – first, notice how many times you say or meet with a NO response, and second. respond to it by giving two YES’s to people in your day.

This is not going to be easy!  If you meet or hear “NO” twice today, that means your challenge is to give out FOUR YES’s.  They don’t need to be big or monumental YES’s, just enough to build momentum against the mountain of NO’s!  Double your YES output and watch what happens…

WILL YOU SAY “YES” TO SAYING “YES” ?

PLEASE let me know if you take up the challenge and what are your results…

Have an inspiring weekend!

Carol

Win/Lose or Win/Win… It’s all up to us

26 Jan

Am I the only one who is dismayed by the Win/Lose or “win at another’s expense” mentality today? Is it just I who does not understand the celebrations of “good fortune” gained by taking advantage?

Today, calamities like foreclosures, unemployment, disease, layoffs, deaths, tornadoes and other misfortunes are not personal or predictable – yet to listen to those who benefit from other’s losses, you’d think there must be skill in avoiding these.  Today you can be on the sunny side of the street (financially or otherwise), and tomorrow you can be down and out.  While lifetime employment used to be the norm, today millions of unemployed say otherwise.  No longer are personality, work ethics or  skills enough to stay employed – with so many Americans out of work through no fault of their own, it could just as easily be you or me!

Yet our press favors the 1% rich or those who act like them, as “winners” and disregards everyone else.  (Perhaps this sells more papers.)  For example, headlines celebrated the good fortunes of condominium bidders who “earned” a property with bids less than 10% of what owners paid for the same properties only 4 years ago.  “Properties bought for a mere $7500 that sold for over $50,000 in 2007,” boasted the article.    What about the homeowners who lost the properties in foreclosures and whose dreams of home ownership (let alone life savings) were shattered by job loss and foreclosure proceedings?  When someone wins and someone loses, our society suffers.  Sure, one side wins financially at the expense of the other, – but I believe society ends up with a net loss in terms of morale, stress, and fallout of family breakups.  (The Tampa Bay Times reported last week that the 50% US divorce rate was actually 75% here in Florida.  I wonder if there is any relationship with FL’s unemployment figures…) How does it affect our societal health when a segment of society takes advantage of others left foraging for their necessities.

A couple of weeks ago, the same newspaper described how hundreds of homeowners in Florida used a loophole to pocket insurance proceeds for vacations and luxuries intended for home sinkhole repairs.  Fraud perhaps, but legal according to Florida law – and the “proud” recipients beamed at readers from full-size photos.  The insurance premiums of all Floridians will increase because of these wins.

I believe that the universe has infinite capacity for abundance when it comes to prosperity and positive energy.  Witness the upward energy amplification that enthusiasm and optimism can generate in a crowd!  There is no indication that the universe needs to balance prosperity with misery or wins with losses.  Win /win situations lead to openness, innovation, creativity, health and increased fortunes for all.

Perhaps there is some pleasure in taking advantage?  It is really a win when success comes at the expense of a corporation, government or people.  Does it matter that it is not illegal?  Can society gain when some bend moral values to justify unethical behavior?  When winning comes at the price of an unfair (or unscrupulous) advantage is it really a superiority of wit, skill or intelligence that prevailed? More often than not – it is sheer luck or opportunity that separates the winners from losers… and if the win/loss mentality continues much longer, we will all pay the price.

Win/Win events give us Hope…

Tonight, in a departure from regular news, a network broadcast featured the story of our local Gulfport, FL idea to assist one of its own. This coming Saturday, instead of following the Win/Loss trend, neighbors are gathering at one resident’s house to repair damage from a kitchen fire, clear brush, and in the words of the homeowner “do in one day what it would take me two years to do.”  It was uplifting and motivating to listen to both the recipient and the helpers talk about the plans.  Participants are donating time, supplies, skills and equipment – all of which will create a Win/Win situation for both the homeowner and the community. 

Why are there not more Win/Wins?  It all starts with an idea, a wish for a better future, and a willingness to give rather than take for oneself.  Win/Lose may be primitive capitalism, but Win/Win benefits all.

What do YOU think?

Let’s stop being wasteful – in consumerism and in life!

9 Aug

I’ve had a great summer with more beach time than I can recall in recent years. It’s funny how peaceful and contemplative we can become when we sit still and listen to the repetitive lull of the waves lapping at the shore.

Times at the beach lead my mind to wander and wonder – about all sorts of mundane things… like what’s the point of so much consumption of “new” products when yesterday’s products still work?

Last week when I was in New York City, my daughter and I visited a few clothing consignment shops (formerly called second-hand stores) and I realized just how much greener our society could become if we all decided to reuse, recycle, and restore.  It was amazing how good were the clothes as the shops showcased next-to-new clothing, gently worn, at a fraction of the original price!  Some of the pieces still had the tags on them!  Why do we keep churning out miles and miles of new textiles when the ones already fashioned are still wearable?

As I was thinking, it occurred to me that another “wasteland” is in our heads… Have you noticed lately how people love to plant “waste” in your psyche with negativity the minute you mention something good has happened?  I have “friends” who chide me about wearing fashionable black nail polish that I love (“you’re not really wearing that color to work are you? That’s not professional!”) or who project jealousy through my clothing choices (“I don’t think your shirt really looks all that good with that skirt”) or who can’t wait to disparage a new interesting person in my life (“why would he like YOU?”).  When you stop to consider what  a waste of time and energy it is to: 1. listen to them at all; and 2. to allow their negative waste to invade your good day!

My new “recycling campaign” is to repeat and reinforce positive ideas in my head so that I can spread GOOD cheer and not “fertilizer” (aka waste).  I would be ashamed to say the things some people say to me!

Today, more than ever, we need to sustain and nurture our spirits with environmentally friendly thoughts and actions – why not plant seeds of positivism and recycle good words to others today?

Have a great week!

Carol

Is it important to be “missed”?

23 Feb

Why does our importance in life often lie in whether it seems that others accept us or need us?  To me, this is the immortal question of life – how can we gain this sense of importance on our own?

When I am traveling for work, I often overhear someone on a cell phone asking “Do you miss me?”, and it gives me pause because I used to ask the same question of someone far away.  I have no idea why the answer (as long as it was positive) ever mattered (it should not have!)  Today I know that statements made without action to support them are merely lip-service. We want to feel important to people so that we can gain a sense of importance in the world. (But this is misguided – we are important!)

Along the same lines, I found a quote the other day in my in-basket by don Miguel Ruiz:

Many times we don’t see our own creation; we don’t see our own lies. But sometimes in the reflection of somebody else, we can see our own magnificence. By experiencing the love of another person, we can see how great we are. From one artist to another artist, we might see that it’s possible to improve our own art.’

What do you think of this quote?  It makes me feel a little bid sad because it implies that we need to see our greatness our reflection from others. Why can we not see the same reflection in our own mirror?

And what does it mean when such reflection comes up short?  If someone who means something to us reflects back that we are crazy or ignorant, should we take that at face value – or reject it based on not taking anything personally?  (Also a don Miguel Ruiz rumination).

As I state often, our acceptance should be of primary importance and our value in life should never hinge on another.  But this quote seems to fly in the face of that… and I struggle to make sense of it.

What do you think?

p.s., This is my first post to this blog in 10 days, did you miss me ? (wink wink LOL!)

Have a good week!

Carol

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Science and positive thinking… proof or poof?

4 Jan

For years I’ve read about the Power of Positive Thinking (along the lines of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale) and The Secret (the Law of Attraction), and I’ve seen how envisioning the future can become reality – it worked when I moved to the U.S. from Canada in the mid-1990’s and my business soared.

Lately, however, I have found that no matter how much I put into positive thinking and visioning, the results just do not seem to manifest in the same way as they once did. I can envision my future state with financial prosperity, abundant love, health, and the level of career success I want.  I can feel this future state with every sense of my being — and yet what worked to create reality does not seem to work today (or maybe I am more impatient as I get older).

While I understand that the subconscious and the universe manifests creation at its own pace (and not mine), I find it frustrating when I do not see any discernible change or progress towards my vision.  Given my engineering background, you may not be surprised that I would like some scientific proof that this positive thinking and energy is working.

In hindsight, 2010 was a mediocre year and I am grateful for my speaking engagements and new opportunities, but also frustrated that my consulting schedule was not chock full or that I made more progress towards financial freedom.  It can be tough to stay positive in a down economy and a dog-eat-dog world — you may have felt the same way in 2010.

Feeling frustrated with a lack of solid signs of progress, I was elated to come across the following video excerpt (from the documentary “What the Bleep Do We Know?” whereby a Japanese scientist Dr. Masuru Emoto has established a direct relationship between positive thinking energy and the formation of complex and elaborate water crystals exposed to it.  (I don’t know for certain if this is fact or fiction.)

The narrative explains that because our bodies are composed of over 60% water, positive thoughts will result in positive changes in our overall water-based physiology.  What do you think?

Is this scientific proof that positive thinking can immediately and positively affect our well-being – or is it an airy-fairy fictionalized stretch of someone’s imagination?

Watch the video (it’s less than 3 minutes long) and let me know what YOU think…

For me, this is immediate and positive proof that staying upbeat and optimistic (even when times are tough) can deliver immediate and positive results.  Even if it is Hollywood hocus-pocus it gives credence and power to my ongoing visioning and gives me hope that my tomorrows will be fruitful in the ways that my visions depict.

Have a great week!

p.s., I am seeking speaking opportunities worldwide for 2011 so if you hear of anyone needing a great speaker, please refer me and ask them to email me (dekkers@qualityplustech.com).

p.p.s., in 2011, I am clearing off my bookshelves and taking at least one book a week off the shelf to share with you. This week it is Zig Ziglar’s “See you at the Top”.  I will report on its high points and give you a short review later this week.

Regards,

Carol


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