Archive | July, 2010

A new year, a new outlook, and I’m grateful

29 Jul

Having celebrated (or more like experienced) a recent birthday, I realize that it’s a new year, with a new outlook, and I’m grateful for my life just as it is today! In so many ways, I finally have a perfect life and I’m grateful.

When life hands you lemons and you finally figure out how to make lemonade, I think it becomes easier to be grateful…

lemonsI think that people whose lives are free of opposition and conflict miss out on the opportunity to experience drastic turnaround and lose out on the change to experience true gratitude.

I can’t claim to have had the worst past life, but it did hit a low point just five years ago.  I used to dread going home when I’d work out-of-town because of the conflict and apathy that I knew awaited me.  My teenage son was out of control and friends feared for my life and safety. My narcissistic (this according to medical experts) now-ex-husband was having an affair with someone I had formerly considered a friend.  Living with verbal abuse and disregard from those who “loved me” hurt beyond words, and I remember yearning for a life of peace and support and love.

At the time, it was debilitating and I felt safety only when I was alone and away – not at home.  It was the closest thing to “hell” that I ever want to know.  The good news is that today, I am happier and enjoy a peace-filled life as a happy singleton, with supportive, healthy relationships with both my of my grown children and friends.  I no longer have any fears about safety and my son has matured and is one of the joys of my life!

Some might say that credit belongs to “The Secret” where my thoughts and dreams became a reality over the past 5 years, but I believe that such positive thinking is only a part of it.  Everything changes daily (baby steps at a time) and I share this because I  believe that every situation is eventually changeable.  My current life is quite wonderful.  I am grateful to have a rewarding career, healthy grown children, and close friends who care… I’m grateful to have confidence and a new sense of survivorship.  I wake up knowing that no matter how bad a situation might seem – it is temporary and can be transformed over time.

In my new life, I embrace change for the good things it brings even if it means momentary discomfort.  I realize that self-love is the greatest love of all that surpasses all other. I am learning to forgive the past, and yet realize that its memories makes it easy to appreciate what I have.

It’s a new year, with a new outlook and I’m happy to be me, so I can share it with you!

Wishing you a great week.


Live, Laugh, Let go…

7 Jul

I’m in Montreal this week for the Jazz Festival and observing so much “unique” behavior in the city that I’m finding new sense in the subject line of this post: Live, laugh, let go (yes, I know that there is a popular book called Live, Laugh, Love).

It’s quite interesting to note that my friend and I keep encountering people who defy what she and I (separately) were brought up to believe is good behavior in society.  No matter where we’ve ventured this week (Old Montreal, Olympic Stadium, shopping, etc), it’s as if we are either totally invisible or inordinately visible.

Let me explain:  my friend remarked to me today that she ought to wear fluorescent clothing so that people see her:  she’s not a slight person yet people shove and jostle by without a word of apology, on the streets, in the metro area, and in the underground shopping areas — rendering the feeling of being “invisible”.

Then when we’re out somewhere (Jazz Fest audience members or sitting outside at our hotel bar) we notice other patrons eavesdropping – even though neither of us is speaking loudly.  It’s like whatever we have to say is incredibly interesting!

I wonder why this happens?  Why can’t two platonic friends have simple conversations without others listening intently?  And where have the simple courtesies of life (like saying “excuse me” when you crash into someone in a public place) gone?

I love Montreal and the good times of JazzFest here – the city transforms into a cultural melee and it is great to be here.  I’m certainly learning to Live (I have a near-perfect life), Laugh (so many humorous moments in a single day), and Let Go (life is too short to let others influence your good moods into bad!)

Wishing you a happy and healthy week!


Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at or or visit for details.

Copyright Carol Dekkers 2010…

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