Everyone has a down day (sometime…)

Do you ever have days when, despite your best efforts, you just can’t seem to will yourself into a great mood?  As an extroverted person based in a home office, this year has been especially challenging – and with it, there’s been a few “down days”. Blame it on the economy, general society malaise, or getting older, but it seems that 2009 will do in history as a less-than-optimistic year.  For me, “down days” come without obvious predication – nothing in particular precipitates their arrival, they just appear - and I’d like to share my experience…

You probably already know that down days aren’t selective upon whose shoulders they descend.  (Note that I am not talking about depression or the “change your attitude, change your life” concepts, but rather duldrum days that simply happen).  Similar to how a lone cloud appears on an otherwise blue-sky day, the general malaise of a down day can spring up as quickly as a midafternoon July storm in Florida.   The good news is that down days are typically a “flash-in-the-pan” occurrence that can vaporize just as quickly as they emerge.

Growing up, it was normal to have the occasional down day.  Low biorhythms, hormonal swings, a slow day, or whatever we called them - down days were part of the natural rhythm of life.  Somehow along the way, I lost sight of this.  Perhaps it was a result of my now ex-husband who never ever ever admitted to having a down day (and I guess that was his ”normal”).  Now that I am out and about making a lot of new friends, I’m finding occasional down days are just part of life. Even my incredibly upbeat, positive, and optimistic friends confess to an occasional down day, and it’s a relief!

One way I use to overcome the effects of a down day include letting it be, laying low, talking to friends, walking my dog, and getting out of the house.  There’s nothing like comradery and positive encounters with strangers to lift one’s spirits and bolster sagging self-esteem.  At these times, the power of a smile, shared laughter, or the exchange of kind words is unsurpassed. And somehow, someway, a down day is just a little bit less so… and when the next day dawns as an ”up” day I remember that someone in my life is probably having their own down day.

Have a great week!

Regards,
Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://caroldekkers.blogspot.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Has the recession turned us all into salesmen?

Do you ever get the feeling like you are living in an unreal world where nothing is as it ever was?  If you do, you’re not alone!

Lately, more than ever, I feel like I must be walking around with a big “prospect” sign on my back because it seems like everyone I encounter tries to sell me something. Ok, that’s not quite true – I have good friends and family members who are consistent and true – but everyone else seems bent and determined to turn me into a sale.  I can understand how this backwards economy has turned most people’s sanity on its head with layoffs, foreclosures, get rich quick schemes, and MLM’s everywhere (Multi-Level-Marketing), but really, isn’t there a such thing as basic common respect and decency anymore?

All I need is a “Get rich quick” filter!

It used to be easy to detect the “get rich quick” schemes – they were limited to the back of comic books and informercials. Not so today! In 2009, I’ve seen an exponential growth in the number of self-professed experts who purport to have all the answers to today’s economic woes — by hiring them!

Everyday I get at least 5 to 10 pitches by these so-called experts hawking everything from workbooks and webinars to full-fledged thousand dollar workshops. They promise insane ROI (return on investment) for hours and money spent – yet most of it is a scam. The longer the economy flails, the more of these schemes emerge.

Get rich quick

Quite frankly, I am finding it so impossible to discern the wheat from the chaff and I really think I need a “Get rich quick” spam filter to rid my inbox of their clutter. I think the biggest productivity gains can be achieved by simply eliminating these pitches from clogging our email channels.

While I’m on a rant, I’d like to go green by insisting that all of the credit card companies and cell companies stop chopping down trees to send me yet another offer that goes straight into my shredder. I’d have much more respect for AT&T, Verizon or any of the other myriad of telephone companies if they would simply stop the stealth marketing by trying to steal customers of other carriers through mail offers. Why not offer outstanding service as a differentiator instead of trying to grab each other’s clients? Imagine the greening of America that could happen by stopping this mailing waste!

I don’t even want to get started on recycling – after all we’re talking about get rich quick trash in inboxes, not real life trash that goes to our landfills instead of being recycled and changed into useful products using the secondary materials. Hey, that gives me an idea – instead of pitching one’s expertise and trying to get people to pay for secrets of success that aren’t really there, why don’t these self-professed experts put their efforts where they really count – by investing their time in retraining programs to teach those out of work useful new skills? Sure, it would take effort and require positive energy to truly change the world instead of lining their own pockets by enticing those same people with their get rich quick schemes.

But that’s not how we all work is it? We’re all neighbors and one community only as long as it doesn’t affect us individually and we can look at those with foreclosed homes, lost jobs, and sunken dreams as different from us. Somehow those pitching the snake oil road to riches can justify selling to the down and out – those who truly need hope and secrets that will lead them to survival. Can one survive on snake oil – or its proceeds? I guess time will tell when the experts start to fall along with everyone else – and their so-called “secrets” will come to light as the snake oil they always were.

Have a great week – and remember that if it sounds too good to be true – it probably is!

Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://musingsaboutsoftwaredevelopment.wordpress.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Take away Leadership Tips from Jack and Suzy Welch

Pink Magazine posted today a video link from the recent Jack and Suzy Welch event summarizing the key leadership tips important for today.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5G3EVHoYpI  While the tips weren’t rocket science, the advice is timely especially in light of our financially challenging times.

As you may already know, Suzy Welch recently published a new book titled 10-10-10 A Life Transforming Idea, based on an O , The Oprah Magazine article in September 2006 about Suzy’s “Rule of 10-10-10″. 

It’s a simple enough process that Suzy uses as a foolproof approach to problem solving whereby she asks herself three easy–and utterly profound–questions: “will the decision I make (to solve the problem at hand) matter in 10 minutes? Will it matter in 10 months? Will it matter in 10 years?”  Using this approach, Suzy Welch has managed to solve just about every personal and professional quandary in her life and feel good about her decisions. 

When I read this article, it made an immediate and lasting impression on my own mode of problem solving, and now that I am aware of the new 10-10-10 book, I plan to purchase it this coming weekend. 10-10-10: A Life-Transforming Idea

If you order the book, let me know if the idea works for you!

Enjoy your day!
Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://musingsaboutsoftwaredevelopment.wordpress.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

When does Sharing become Socialism?

A couple of days ago, a colleague of mine posted a short quip on facebook saying something like “we all should share with each other” to which I responded with something along the lines of how I agree and it’s good to share positive humorous moments.  Another colleague responded by making a derogatory remark towards the president and finished with a snide – there’s already too much sharing – it’s socialism!

As I was contemplating what this facebook “friend” meant by his snide remarks, something struck me:  Somehow, while we teach children to share incessantly, there must be a fine line between sharing and socialism… but where exactly is that line could be worth pondering… if sharing is socialistic, is it all bad – or are we doing our children a disservice by insisting on childhood sharing when as adults we reject the very philosophy of giving to those in need?

As early as pre-school (age 3), children are taught to share. Youngsters are given positive reinforcement when they share with others from older/younger siblings to complete strangers.  In fact if the generosity ends with a broken shared toy, most adults dismiss the hurt and encourage ongoing sharing despite the child’s loss.  If sharing is socialistic, where is the boundary between being a good global citizen sharing the same earth with billions of others, and being a socialist?

The dictionary defines socialism as
–noun 1. a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.

Hmmm… somehow the whole notion of community is something that seems to have hit a nerve with the facebook respondent – and the definition seems to focus on vesting of ownership by a community as a whole in goods and services. Somehow, the notion of sharing oneself, one’s ideas, one’s possessions as one sees fit simply doesn’t seem to fit the definition of socialism. Perhaps the writer was simply an only child who never learned how to actually share?

Have a great week,
Carol
Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://musingsaboutsoftwaredevelopment.wordpress.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Resiliency 99.9% of the time…

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately on the “Law of Attraction” which is the basis of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and Excuse me, Your Life is Waiting by Lynn Grabhorn, among others.  All of these works expound on the power of positive thinking and attracting good things into our lives by expressing clearly our wants to the universe, and then living our life as they come true.  Conversely, all also talk about the equal and opposite power of negative thinking and how the energy thus generated can lead to illness, hazards, and ongoing angst.

For the past few months, I’ve been on a path of optimism, resilient thinking, and positivism and the results have been outstanding.  I’ve initiated several new friendships with positive and upbeat people, done more socializing with optimistic people, and formulated even more positive visions of what I want to achieve.  These results include a peace and a happiness that exceeds anything I’ve experienced in recent years.  While divorce is not an easy experience (especially after more than 20 years), I am so grateful to have gone through it and having gained renewed optimistism about life.  I’ve discovered that (despite what I had been told by people in my past who professed good intentions), I am a great person with much to offer this world.

Being positive, living in the now, and staying resilient 99.9% of the time is my goal, and its not yet an achievement.  I’ve managed to eliminate and cut away a lot of the negative influences that were normal in my past life, and replaced them with positive ones. I’ve changed my attitude towards those who present challenges. I’ve developed a resilience to be able to bounce back from adversity and am on the road to finally love myself for who I am rather than striving to be someone else for someone else. The journey is not without distractions – and I find that the biggest are those caused by an event that flashes back to past habitual behaviors.  That’s where my challenge lies - staying upbeat and positive, and bouncing back quickly when something hits me like a brick out of left field. For example, when someone of past importance crosses a boundary to which they no longer have rights.  When this happens, the other person acts incredulous that I would block their entrance into my private world, with the expectation that the breach is their right and their privilege.  It is getting easier to bounce back from the pains of the past superimposed on the present, seemingly slowly and one day at a time. 

And — fortunately every morning dawns a new day and a new opportunity to practice new behaviors and attitudes anew.  Today I let my encounter with the boundary breacher steal away some of my optimism, and the new today that dawns in several hours gives me a chance to begina again with a full positive outlook.  No longer will I give away my power or my heartbeats to one who does not deserve.  And eventually they who breach will give up trying.  A sage niece of mine quoted:  I am learning not to cry over anyone who will not cry over me.

I’m on a path to attract great things into my life, and I hope that you are too. I know how incredible a renewed positive life can be, and nothing and no one can take away the powerful results of my newfound positive feelings!

Have a good week!

Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://caroldekkers.blogspot.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Rant of the day… Self-centered people

Have you ever had one of those months when you wonder if you are the only sane person in the world? March has been like that for me, and today I just have to rant! I really enjoy getting out of my office to meet new people, see their different perspectives on life, and being able to realize that we all have highs and lows.

Lately, however, I’ve been encountering more people who simply don’t go with an ebb and flow of idea sharing. In fact, they are so taken with their own self-importance and self-centeredness that it doesn’t really matter if you are there or not. I realize that a few of my more optimistic and idealistic friends would say that I am “attracting these people to myself” along the lines of the Laws of Attraction (whatever you think about manifests itself into your life) – but I think that there are people who cross our paths simply to jolt us out of complacency, and to remind us that we have a choice about who we chooseto keep (or not keep) in our lives. In fact, swathing away and disassociating with toxic, self-centered people has been one of the best lessons I’ve learned since getting divorced 3 years ago!

Here’s my rant list of people I’ve met and steer clear from: (note that names have been changed)

1. “I live and die by the Secret” Goldie- this person read the “Secret” and now proselytizes to everyone around her that the mere mention of any event will cause more of it to happen. For example, I was in CA and casually remarked that my plane was late, and her immediate response was “Don’t tell me that! Even mentioning it will cause my flight to be delayed tomorrow!” What a misguided soul! While she may choose to live and die by the law of attraction, life continues to happen and sometimes crap happens. I wasn’t at all upset about my flight delay (it happens even if I will it not to!) and all I can say to Goldie is “lighten up!”

2. “Hello there. Buy my book, buy my book, buy my book” Bob.This person is so caught up in their own self-admiration society that they can’t see past their own nose. Buoyed by his own epiphany, Bob purports that everyone is as messed up as he once was, and will never achieve their dreams without his new found “wisdom”. I don’t know about you, but if I spent $20 on every self-published book claiming to light up the world, I’d definitely be confused as well as broke. This doesn’t stop Bob – in fact, he approaches valets to presidents pitching salvation in 100 pages. In some ways, Bob may be the ultimate marketer, but I can’t help  but think of street corner evangelism…

3. “My time is more important than yours” Bradley.I’ve oft encountered these guys in traffic jams. You know them as the driver using the shoulder lane to advance past the parking lot of cars then cutting in at the front of the line. Lately though, I’ve noticed more Bradley’s in parking lots (when I’m signaling for a soon to be vacated parking space); in grocery lines (with 25 items in the “10 items or less” express line); and out and about (they push to be the front of a theatre line when they arrive late). While I can forgive Bradleys in a legitimate hurry (like their wife is in labor!) – the others just plain irk me.

4. “That’s nice” Joanne. This person asks you how you are and no matter what your answer may be (“My kids all came down with chickenpox”) they respond with a mindless, “that’s nice”; then launch into a monologue about their son/daughter/spouse/friend/blah blah blah is excelling at life. Again, their disregard for others can get nauseating, and at this point I am grateful for a wrong number on my cell phone so I can get away.

5. “You should really…”Betty. This is the final type of toxic person I’ve encountered lately – and they are insidious. They appear to be friendly until you open your mouth to say something about you. At that point a barrage of seemingly but negative advice is unleashed before you’ve even stopped talking. After your first sentence, (Betty has listened intently), she spurts “helpful” rhetoric without any regard to your astonished response. For example, if I say that contract work is slow and finances are tight, Betty will say – well you really should look at a low paying job for now (seemingly abandoning my years of specialization as an IT professional). If I say that my grown children have moved back home, she edicts that I really shouldn’t have allowed that because now they’ll never leave. Betty always knows what’s best for everyone except herself!

The good thing about all of these self-absorbed people is that I can now isolate them and “consider the source”. Having embraced principles from The Four Agreements, I realize that what they say tells much more about them than it does about me.

Life is good! And it’s getting better every day that I prevent toxic people from becoming a part of my life. I love that it is MY choice who I let in and don’t let in to my friendship circle!

What do you think???

Have a great week!
Carol

Tampa Bay Job Fair…

Two weeks ago I did something I’m not accustomed to doing as a successful management consultant — I attended a Tampa Bay job fair. I went down to the 11am-3pm event for two main reasons:
1. To see which companies were hiring during this economic downturn;
and
2. To see how many people would turn out to a Technology/IT job forum.

There were approximately 6 companies who were accepting resumes and talking to prospective employee candidates. Among the notable ones that I can remember were: Catalina Marketing; Raytheon; Wyle; Blackbird Technologies; and a couple of others whose names escape me. Kaplan University was also present hoping to drum up new students and business from job seekers who want to improve their skills.

While the number of jobs was far from plentiful, it was great to see that at least the above 4 companies came out to show their support and encouragement for IT job seekers. Even if the sole interest was visibility and positive press during 2009, I commend these companies for making the effort and giving hope to IT job seekers.

I was encouraged by the sincerity and genuine interest that the “interviewers” or resume collectors were on behalf of their companies. For the entire duration, these committed company employees proudly represented the corporate America we all need more of these days. So, hats off to Raytheon, Catalina Marketing, Wyle, and Blackbird Technologies for presenting an optimistic outlook for Tampa Bay. We certainly can do with more positive examples like you!

Have a good week!

Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://caroldekkers.blogspot.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Optimism is contagious – pass it on!

Wow, it’s already halfway through February and the newspapers are still not tired of predicting doom and gloom for the rest of 2009! I don’t know about you, but I’m getting pretty tired of it all. We didn’t cause the collapse, we didn’t make millions in get rich quick schemes, yet it’s we who suffer the consequences… something doesn’t make sense.

Do you remember when you were growing up and adults would say be careful what you do for there will be consequences? I just didn’t realize that the behaviors of others would end up with consequences that directly affected me!

Having said this, we have a choice – we can wallow about in the doom and gloom and continue to support the press and the media in their negativity — or — we can spread optimism and kindness. A sappy idea you say? Well let’s reflect on that for a moment. What’s the negativity gained us so far today? People are resorting more to crime when times get tough (St. Petersburg Times Feb 19, 2009), workplace stress and road rage are on the rise, and uncertainty prevails. All negative stuff! While we cannot single-handedly change anyone else’s behavior but our own – we can choose our attitude and our outlook. We can choose to follow the crowd and feel crappy and snarly all day – or we can make a choice to have a good day! I know it’s not an easy thing to face the day without a job or without work when a mortgage is again coming due in a week (I know this first hand!) – but despite the situation I am still living in a free country where the sun shines, the sky is blue, and the air is clean. I have fresh water to wash with and drink, and I don’t worry about the marketplace safety when I go to get food. Sure, the luxuries of days gone by with secure jobs, prevalent contracts, and guaranteed work are not part of life today – but it’s never so bad that it couldn’t be worse.

So, I ask you to simply think about this- why not be optimistic and positive just for today? Smile, be upbeat, and pass it on. Maybe, just maybe, a groundswell of positivism can change things for the better – just for today. And really when you think about it, isn’t today all we ever really have?

Wishing you a positive day with at least one moment to smile about!

Regards,
Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ other blog (Musings about Software Development) at http://caroldekkers.blogspot.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————

Is it as simple as a failure to communicate?

Abstract communication

Every once in a while I realize the eternal truth of life – communication is king! When communication breaks down the cost is monumental in terms of money, hours, stress, frustrations, illnesses, wars, it goes on and on.

Communication is defined:

com⋅mu⋅ni⋅ca⋅tion   /kəˌmyunɪˈkeɪʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuhn] –noun
1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.
4. a document or message imparting news, views, information, etc.
5. passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places.
Source: Dictionary.com

It is interesting to note that communication is a two-way street – the sending of information is insufficient for communication – it must be imparted or interchanged – meaning that both the sender and receiver are involved in the understanding.

In this week’s cultural diversity training sessions, attendees have identified that it is often difficult to discern whether behavior on the part of an individual is due to the culture of the country of origin, or the culture of the industry, or the individual personality. Stereotypes are quickly reinforced if such individual follows the "assumed norms" of their ethnicity and home country, while a lack of stereotypical behavior may lessen the stereotype, but not remove it. Typically the "assumed norms" (stereotypes) are less than complimentary and questions arise when communication breaks down and one party to the exchange feels disrespected.

The result of poor communication is amplified whenever there are additional sources of diversity to which poor behavior (poor based on the other party’s perception of what constitutes "poor" behavior) can be attributed. As mentioned in a previous posting here, there are a number of dimensions to diversity including age, gender, industry, country of origin (culture), etc.

The key concept to remember – whenever working with someone new – is to assume the other person is acting "sanely" based on their own dimensions of culture and diversity. What is normal in one society (generation, gender, industry, country, etc.) may appear at first glance strange or even "crazy" to others. The best possible solution is to start asking questions whenever something appears to be disrespecting. While this may be risky – in terms of self-preservation – it is often the most respectful action to take. When one starts with the assumption of noble behavior, explanations and differences can flow more easily. Such assumptions are important if one wishes to achieve a level of true communication!

All we need to do is to glance at any daily or weekly news journal to see how much discord is created when we have is a failure to communicate. How much more harmony and mutual respect (and peace) could come about and be possible if we made positive assumptions of others rather than jumping to conclusions. Try it today, and see if in your own life, even without the complication of diversities, situations can be improved by overcoming such failure to communication.

Have a great week!
Carol

Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit www.caroldekkers.com for details.

dekkers@qualityplustech.com
www.caroldekkers.com
www.qualityplustech.com

Read Carol Dekkers’ second blog (about Software Development) at http://caroldekkers.blogspot.com.

——Copyright 2009 Carol Dekkers – All Rights Reserved ———————