Moving to Substack under a new name…

It’s been almost 2 years (!!!) since I posted here, and today, I changed the name of my blog to the “Belt of Venus”…and moved my future postings to substack… please follow me there (here’s the link: https://caroldekkers.substack.com/

Why the name change?

The change in name aligns with my mantra to the universe “Thank you, more please.”

Living a life of gratitude with an abundance outlook (a rising tide floats all boats) brings more goodness and wonder into my life. And “Just like that” my life gets better.

So, back to the name change…. according to Generative AI (Google’s AI version of ChatGPT):

The Belt of Venus is a pink band of light that appears on the horizon opposite the sun.  It’s also known as the anti-twilight arch.  The Belt of Venus is visible during cloudless twilight, just before sunrise or after sunset. It’s a transitional band between the dark eclipsed sky and the bright day sky. 

The Belt of Venus is created by sunlight reflecting off the dense atmosphere. This effect is called backscattering. The Belt of Venus appears above the antisolar point, which is an imaginary point opposite the sun. 

The Belt of Venus is about 10–20° above the horizon. It’s about a hundred times taller than it is wide.

The Band of Venus is a metaphor for seeing the good things in life (which may not be directly in front of you) while seeking more. I believe in abundance rather than scarcity. If we share our time, talents and abundance with our community, it creates even more abundance (like sourdough or kweik yeast.)

My plan for The Belt of Venus is to post fresh and salient content about how to create abundance, peace, community and add more bliss to the world through glimmers of published work, sunset photos, my travel adventures, and just plain monotonous (but never boring) everyday middle life. I’ll also re-fresh and re-post salient content I’ve published before under “The Dekkers Report” or “Note to Self.”

Maybe it will resonate for you or a loved one – or maybe it won’t, and I plan t. If I can add a little bit of sunset beauty to the world with every post, then I’ve accomplished my mission. At this mid-life point, I’m simply happy, curious, alone (but not lonely) and independent.

Thank you for being a follower and friend.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot… today

It’s hard to believe it’s been over a year since my last Notes to Self Blog post. Yet, I mentally continue to jot incessant Notes to Self using virtual post-it notes every day.

How many private notes to self have been penned, thought of, discarded, and never shared with anyone… because they didn’t seem good enough to post or share? I’d say they number in the thousands, but never saw the light of cyberspace because they were judged inadequate by my inner critic (whose voice changes to suit the harshness it deems I deserve.), Just today, I realized that withholding the sharing of thoughts that could solace another soul could be deemed selfish by yet another critic in my head.

As we age, we’re supposed to discard the whimsical egos of youth and throw caution to the wind in favor of being ourselves, abandoning the risk of rejection, and living in the freedom that comes with being accepted as our true selves. Yet when does that ever really come true? What’s really held me back from posting for the past 12 or so months? The (un)realistic fear of rejection – the judgments of people who in reality don’t matter, the voices of my mother, father, critics, detractors, narcissistic exes and lost loves, competitors, downright nasty people… the list goes on and on.

So, in this rambling late evening post, I wonder, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, what should this whole blogging endeavor be about? What can I give to you in the form of positive words that might make any blip of difference in your day or night? Perhaps Note to Self is really about taking up and owning deserved (cyber)space, just because I can. Tell me, if you’ve read this far, what is of interest for you to read?

20/20 et al… Looking back to look ahead

It’s the dawn of a new decade – time for reflection, renewal, hope and that that stuff.  Happy New Year readers!

I’ve never been much for new year’s resolutions (they never seem to stick for me) and instead I find myself doing a lot of reading, thinking and experimenting to find new directions and adventures.  And I have to say, slowly but surely I’m loving who I am and I’m taking a lot less crap from people than I used to.

 

For a minute, since it is customary to take a glance back, I’ll ponder the last 10 years.  What have I done since 2010 and what can I learn from the experiences?  I made a short list (maybe you can identify?)

–  I’m more optimistic and positive about life in general and much more easy going about things I can’t (or shouldn’t) worry about.  Maybe this comes with age, but when someone asks me about a how a presentation went, I answer positively knowing that I’ve done my best . I used to belabor the opinions of attendees (all over the map) while now I know that their opinions are based on their perceptions and expectations, with little to do with me as a person.

— I’ve stopped being “insane” according to Einstein (“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”.) I stopped presenting at every conference that asked me (usually to speak for free or at my cost!) It took me long enough to learn this!  After 100+ presentations with little follow-on consulting or paid work, I quit doing QAI, ASQ, SSTC, PMI and other “technical  conferences” where I donated so much of my time and energy.  Today, I go to the conferences and present where I’m appreciated and where I want to see friends.

— I also learned that “the more things change, the more they stay the same” and it can be folly to try to recreate past successes when the landscape changes. Here’s what happened:  I served as the president of an organization in 1998/99, and left for 15 years to give others a chance to be on the board.  In 2015, I returned as a board member for a 3 year term to find that many of those who joined the board in 2000 were still serving (no term limits.)  As the new/old person where most of the policies changed since my last term, there was little slack and I constantly (unknowingly) violated policies.  Next time someone asks me to rejoin a board, I’ll politely decline and save my heartbeats for a new endeavor.

— Over the past 10 years, I’ve worked to become more open and more tolerant and more accepting of people who are different from me.  Given that I see a lot of people around me doing the opposite, I’m feeling quite happy about my progress.  It is interesting to watch people fight for power and prestige and control, and be able to simply observe the drama (instead of participating.)

— I also discovered that there are more and more diverse and interesting things in the world – and, there are associated tribes of accepting and  professional groups that support these interests. If you’re struggling with people who are difficult or don’t share your values, look around and explore related industries – you might discover a community where you’ll thrive!  For me, meeting Dr Alistair Cockburn and his Heart of Agile community of incredible worldwide agile leaders, did this for me.  Additionally, finding ICEAA (International Cost Estimating and Analysis Association), Malaysian Software Testing Board, and other new groups has also been positive.  You don’t need to abandon old ones, just expand your network.  Instead of fighting against the grain and feel like you’re constantly getting splinters, find a new board (or group) and flow!  WIth 8+ billion people in the world, there’s a tribe of people with values and principles that are JUST LIKE YOU!

For 2020 and beyond, I’m committed to allowing myself more curiosity, expanding my writing and training (software measurement and leadership) and doing more cultural exploration (travel.) And, I’m deciding whether to continue or abandon this blog (does anyone actually care if I write ???)  At this point in life, I realize our time is too limited to take on the drama of detractors – and there’s so many wondrous people I have yet to meet (maybe you!)

As a freelance consultant, I’m also learning to ride the waves of feast or famine (after 20 years of being independent you’d think I’d realize that income is completely unpredictable) and… relax.

I trust that work will always come in (it’s never anticipated) and I’ll always be comfortable, albeit maybe not wealthy in finances.  I’m committed to delivering great value in consulting, training and speaking – and attendees always credit great knowledge transfer from my courses.  I don’t often ask for work, but I’m learning that I need to “toot my own horn” at least as well as I promote others.  Having said that, please consider hiring me as a speaker or measurement or leadership consultant for your IT or business professionals.  I’m a PMP, P.Eng., CSM, CFPS (Fellow) and well-versed in agile software development and project management.  (And I dabble in craft beverages and the hospitality industry speaking!)

Life is positive, inspiring and dare I say always an adventure.  What’s on your agenda for the next decade?

To your health and success!

Carol

Look for Acceptance (not Rejection) and You’ll Find it in “Bits of Light in the Room”

Life can be variously wonderful, heartbreaking, exhilarating, depressing, emotional, and meh – and sometimes (for those of us who empathetically take in the energy of those around us) all at the same time.

I’ve always been highly sensitive to the emotions and needs of those around me, to a fault:  heartbreaks or injustice in the world can bring me to tears.  My empathetic sensitivity has been a lifelong source of rejection from parents/family/friends/lovers who lament “Toughen up, you’re too sensitive.”

Only recently did I discover that empathy is a gift to the world – and that there are many, many sensitive people who give their positive emotional energy to the world.   It’s a new concept to know that acceptance (and self-acceptance) of sensitivity is possible!

Last week, when discussing new (and innovative) business ideas with a friend, I mentioned that I procrastinate because of (the possibility of) rejection.  He told me to “Focus on the bits of light in the room” – meaning that my focus was misdirected… So, instead of looking at the darkness in the room (those who will reject new ideas), focus on the bits of light — and make them brighter.

Wow!

Coupled with an idea spawned by a CD by Brene Brown (I can’t remember which one… She stated “Whatever you look for, you’ll find… if you look for rejection, you’ll find it.  If you look for acceptance, that’s what you’ll find.”) – I came up with “The Acceptance Experiment.”

The Acceptance Experiment

So, I took two seemingly unrelated concepts:  Bits of Light, and Look for Acceptance, and did an experiment.  After a lifetime of watching for (and trying to protect myself from) rejection, I started looking for (and focusing on) Acceptance and Bits of Light in the room.

I’m happy to report positive results – everywhere I look I’m finding more and more acceptance!  Where I once saw only the dark patches (rejection), by focusing my energy on acceptance, there is more and more white light illuminating my world.

I find that I look at everyday encounters with people and places differently by looking for the bits of light – and, they are everywhere.  Suddenly the room has gotten brighter – even though dark patches (rejection) will always be present. (That’s reality!)

The Benefit of the Doubt (Reframing Rejection)

At the same time, learning to “step back and observe” the situations of others, instead of allowing my energy to deplete, is an important lesson.

It’s like being in an ocean and rolling with the emotional waves as they crest and trough instead of being dragged down by them.

While I’ll never be able to completely disengage/disconnect from the pain of others, observing helps me to stay centered.

Taking care of my energy (like putting on my oxygen mask first) helps me to stay helpful and inspiring when it’s needed (and it usually is.)

And…when something that feels like rejection comes my way (someone snaps at me, pulls away, treats me indifferently), I try to consider the options:  it may have nothing to do with me AT ALL.

Re-examining rejection (see the above drawing) often illuminates circumstances or situations as the cause (not me!)

(Side conversation with my deceased mother: “Sorry to disagree with you mom, but it is NOT necessarily my fault when people treat me poorly… they may just have a bad day! And, NO, praying more won’t change that.”  My mother (and my dysfunctional ex) insisted that I deserved (poor) treatment from others because of something I must have done.  If you’re facing a similar demon, know it’s B.S.!)

Does this Help?

I can speak and write about technical topics “until the cows come home”, but it’s not so easy to talk about my own personal journey (see, here’s that rejection thing again…)

Does anything I’ve written strike a chord with you?

If so, please post a comment or an emoji or even just let me know that you read this post.

While I write mostly as Notes to Myself… I’m inspired if you are.

p.s., Wherever you are right now… know that life ebbs and tides.  Wishing you a positive day!

Carol

Notes to my 10 year-old self

Preamble: As I look back at my 10-year old self, it’s hard to believe so many years have passed.  I’m still the same person by nature (DNA) but experiences (nurture) have shaped me.

Back then, I was a painfully shy Catholic schoolgirl who was book smart, curious (about science, boys, other countries, languages), scared stiff about God (the fear of dying in the night didn’t abate when my father said it could happen), and a bit of a tomboy.

My life at 10 was one of discovery: I felt I was in perpetual winter (Alberta had 8 months of snow!) and longed for trips and travel. As the oldest of 5, I was fiercely independent and I already had a bucket list — self-made millionaire (still on the list), finding true love (ditto), living in the tropics (check), and growing up to be someone I’d admire (self-love is key.)

Hind-sight is 20/20 and yet somehow maybe my 10 year-old self (or someone else) might benefit…

Notes to my 10 year-old self

• YOU deserve LOVE, KINDNESS AND RESPECT from everyone (start with yourself)

No matter what anyone tells you to the contrary – this is critical.  You practice the Golden Rule now, but know it’s a nice cliché without any basis . People who love you will tell you what you deserve/need/what’s best for you – in truth, they only know what they need from you.

Treat yourself at least as well you would a best friend. Walk away from anyone and anything that who does not. (This might sound obvious but it’s taken me years to embrace this.)

• Life isn’t fair but it usually works out.  In other words: Let go, let God, and have some cake.

Life isn’t fair, period, but time moves on anyways so live with it.

You’ll learn that life is like a birthday cake – some people will grab the end pieces (with lots of icing and sprinkles); others will get more filling; others will be left with crumbs.  No matter what you get during life, in the end, we all run out of cake and the ice cream and move on to the great party in the sky.  No one gets out alive or gets to take extra cake with them.

Find something that makes YOU happy (no one else matters) – pursue what you love (usually it’s  something you’re good at) – and you’ll find happiness.

• No matter how hard the situation, BREATHE, and get through the next 5 minutes

EVERYTHING in life is temporary, including life itself:  the good times, the bad times, best friends, lovers, family squabbles, beloved pets, sunsets, moods, jobs.  Everything. Is. Temporary.  It’s like waves in the ocean, sometimes they join together and crash, other times they build into a huge surf. Waves are not connected (bad things might seem to come in threes but they’re not related) and simply need to be waited out.  Breathe and make it through the next 5 minutes (at a time.)

EVERYONE has down days and sadness, everyone goes through hurt and rejection – when you see it happening, be there for others (and yourself.) them.  Be kind to everyone you meet for you know not how they live behind closed doors.  (“There but for the grace of God, go I” is one of my favorite middle-aged sayings.  We were fortunate to be born in a free country in a family with a house and food. Never take that for granted, and be grateful.)

• CELEBRATE often!

Take time to CELEBRATE and take credit for your achievements, even if it means you celebrate alone.  The energy and appreciation that comes out of celebrating will help tide you through the bad times.   (We were raised to think that anything good was because God saw we’ve been “good” – despite hard work; and the contrary was because we offended God.  I do not believe this – don’t you. Crap sometimes just happens, not because of anything you caused.)

• Not everyone is grateful

You (and I) have a great life – one filled with blessings and good things.  Because of this or in spite of this, people will treat you well/poorly/horribly and get angry at you for not fulfilling THEIR dreams.  Know that you are not crazy or weird or somehow not good enough – you are whole, complete and perfect just as you are. You are kind, thoughtful and compassionate and always will be. Be grateful.

• Better (to) be single than sorry

Trust your instincts about people and situations.  NEVER settle for anyone (a friend or lover or partner or boss) who doesn’t treat you well.  The idea that “you have to be a friend to have a friend” goes out the window when “friends” ask you to lie, cheat or give up on your values. Friends treat friends well – and you get to choose!

In terms of dating, believe me this: you’re going to attract men who want to use your confidence and kindness (they want to be nurtured) or who want to topple you as a challenge (narcissists.) You wouldn’t let a best friend be emotionally abused so watch out for this with yourself!  You’re better off alone (in great company) than with someone who takes you for granted and walks over you.  You may not notice at first but know that you deserve to be in the sunshine with a partner, not lurking in the shadows.

• You are only responsible for your own actions

Immature people blame their behavior on others – don’t take it on.  You are only responsible for your own behavior (and partly for your children until they are adults.)  You do not need a man (or anyone) to complete you – you are complete on do your own.  If you CHOOSE a mate, please choose one who will ADD to your life, not detract.

If you hurt someone (unintentionally or otherwise,) take responsibility and apologize quickly and often.  BUT, other people’s anger is not transferable to you. Know that co-dependent “disease” runs in our family –  don’t become the next victim.

• Everyone is a bit funky – but you are NOT CRAZY.

I know it’s one of your “trigger” words, but you are not and never will be verifiably CRAZY.  The “normal” you believe now (Catholic, observant, subservient and kind) sets you up for abuse by others.  I know you’ll figure this out on your own, but you need strength in your own convictions.  Love you for you – you are unique, creative, generous, and compassionate. The world needs YOU to be present and ready to stand up against the bullies.  Crazy people can’t do that.

• Follow the 10/10/10 and rule of 17

There’s two philosophies that will make your life easier:  Suzy Welch’s 10/10/10 rule (will the decision I make today matter in 10 minutes, 10 months or 10 years?) and my own “Rule of 17“ (Let children be children… they will outgrow childish habits by the time they are 17.)   I wish I had followed these more often.

• Lastly, become your own BFF

This IS THE KEY PIECE OF ADVICE that trumps everything else. Become your own best friend forever (BFF.) When you enjoy your own company – you’ll never be lonely again. Accept the you that you are, the good, the bad and the ugly – and fall in love with yourself.

The airline motto of “put on your own mask first” couldn’t be more true.  Love you first and then you’ll have love to give. I remember that mother often chided me about being stuck with myself for life:  “Wherever you go, there you are,” she’d say.  When I was in your shoes as a 10-year-old, this was utterly depressing.  Today, it has a beautiful meaning and I hope you find this out soon.

That’s it for now.  Let’s stay in touch – let’s transform the space and time continuum – and become our own best friends forever. Love you.  xx

Note to Self: Soooooo much distraction… pause and focus

Note to self:

I apologize, I’ve been an absentee blogger for too many months. I’ll be the first to admit that you are my most important reader (I’ve learned that through my discovery of self-love) and it was often the pure satisfaction of having you read and admire my work that kept me writing. Until it wasn’t.

I stopped blogging partly because I lost my focus – I became distracted by too many “squirrels” and reading other people’s blogs and believing that others had more guidance than I could get from you.  I was wrong.  Now I realize that it is important to take time to consciously observe (there will always be sooooo many squirrels to distract), pause (with intention) and then focus back on the love we share (unconditional love and acceptance is wondrous!) This has been a cosmic discovery.

You know I never really left you when I stopped blogging — we’ve been on a journey of exploration and discovery. We’ve read so many new books, gone to so many new places, listened to so many inspirational and enlightening CDs, loved and lost and loved again, and in the process I found you (maybe for the first time.)  I’m happy that you are open to the belief that our best life and deepest love is yet to come!

So, today, I address you, the Royal We (me, myself and I) with a commitment to start blogging again… sharing thoughts through this virtual paper so that we can discuss, savor, create, enjoy and relish with the manifestations they inspire.  It’s a life journal open to the universe – a tracking of where we’re at and where we’re going… I finally appreciate what my mother meant years ago when she said “you can never run away from yourself… wherever you go, there you are.”  It’s so true and it’s refreshing.

I love you to the moon and back…

Your BFF.

p.s., If this sounds esoteric or self-serving to anyone reading this far, that’s okay. This blog has always been about observations and ideas about interpretations of life (for my benefit.) If it happens to inspire or resonate with even one other person, that’s gravy and I’d be grateful to know about it.

p.p.s. Life is good!

Sharing is caring (including blog posts)…

Time goes by in an instant and before we know it, we’re at the age we used to scoff at!  I’m there… The good news is that growing older (as opposed to the alternative) comes with great benefits!

One is being more tolerant and patient (with others and myself.)  I don’t always reach my goals, but I like to revisit them (hoping to set less and more realistic ones going forward.)

In 2017, I wanted to focus more on what nurtures and nourishes my soul (like blogging and happy relationships), and steer clear of those things that detract (like eating too much and hanging out with toxic people.)  I didn’t succeed enough, but I feel that it’s working just to have the goal in mind.

When it comes to creating content, I’m discovering that friends (and fellow bloggers) often post similar experiences before (and with better words) than I do.

Case in point, a friend put up a Facebook post that mirrored a recent experience I had (s/he allowed me to share):

“I may not be perfect or even nearly so. I may not be soft or gentle with words or actions. I may not even be someone many like .
I am however a true friend. A caring person and a person that has feelings and heart. #heavyheart #hurt #movingForward“

Reading these words made me realize I’m not alone with my experiences, and I can deliver more and better content (at times) by sharing what is already written.

A new direction for 2018 – More sharing…

Watch this blog for more content from others with great posts that resonate with me (and hopefully also with you.)

And, may I suggest that blogging is meant to be a social experiment?  Would you do me a favor and leave me a word or two when you read something you like (or don’t like)?

While we all forge our own way forward, I’m hoping you’ll agree that our experiences are not always unique – and sharing makes us connected even if we’re a continent away or a generation apart.

My first share – 9 Essential Life Lessons…

9 Essential Life Lessons

I loved this… what do you think?

Have a great week! – Carol

Undeniable – our DNA tells the story of humanity and life…

No matter how hard I try, I can’t get the images of the grown American man crying at the airport because his brother who had finally received his LEGAL, BONA-FIDE, permanent resident green card (after years of vetting and background checks) was detained at the airport.  It was heart-breaking and moved me to tears.  Without bringing politics or partisanship into play, I feel for anyone who faces rejection for any reason.  That’s just who I am… (and I’ve personally been through the visa, green card and citizenship road – it takes years of poking, prodding, investigation, interviews, background checks, more investigation, more interviews, vetting, etc. – it is certainly not a slam dunk, passport stamp process!)

I am optimistically hopeful with the new USA administration, and I am also cautiously concerned about some of the sweeping rhetoric and views expressed by elected officials with “we, the people’s” best interests in mind.  I hope that calm heads prevail and that kindness and sanity become our moniker!  America is and was great… period.

As someone who is not a Native American Indian, I am among the 99% of Americans who immigrated to this country.  I am not ashamed to say that an IMMIGRANT and if you are American and reading this, so are YOU (most likely!)

I love the people, the ambition, the open-mindedness, and overall savoir faire attitude and freedom.

I am also learning that history repeats itself (and not always in a good way…)

Last year I visited the National Archives in Washington, DC where the historical documents dating back hundreds of years are preserved and displayed.  I took particular note of turn of the century (early 1900’s) manuscripts and documents authored by immigrants (who were now in power in the U.S.) who cast laws to prevent immigration of their own people  (at the time I think it was Italians, in particular) — just a handful of years later.

I was bewildered by the fact that these men felt justified to enter the country as foreigners through Ellis Island (and obviously, in their opinion, they were good, upstanding, worthy of entry, people) and just a few years later, judged their own countrymen as scoundrels with ill-intent.  I’m still perplexed how power and money changes people. (I still smile at lawmakers who judge the unemployed as “lazy” until they, themselves are unemployed…)

It is interesting how inclusion of ourselves is important, but exclusion of others (who are exactly us – just separated by time) prevail when it’s no longer us who are directly affected.

How easy it is to judge and make rules when they don’t affect us personally.  I agree that we need to keep the “bad people” out of our country (as should any country!) – it’s just common sense, and…

I am also disturbed and concerned that we continue to repeat our history, instead of learning from it (I am intimately familiar with this trend of “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” in software development!  But, that’s another story…)  There has to be a better way.

DNA doesn’t lie and we are all connected as humanity…

I’d like to share this video with you simply for your comments and consideration.  It brings me to tears every time I watch it, so I’m just leaving it here…

Comments?  Wishing you a peaceful, happy, optimistic and uplifting day, week, year!

Love, C

Own Your Day or it will Own You…

Thanks for joining me here today!  It’s going to be an awesome day ahead – or is it?

It’s been almost 18 months since I’ve posted on this blog and today is the day I do something different and start posting again.  Since June 2015, a lot of things have happened in my life – both positive and negative (I’m sure it’s the same for you!) – the most notable that I haven’t earned an income since May of last year, despite having the expertise, experience, putting myself out there, having tons of positivity, optimism, and donating my time to my industries (through various volunteer Board of Directors work.)

For whatever reason, I’ve hit a brick wall in terms of income (I can’t collect unemployment as an independent consultant,) and… yet I’m surviving, and it’s time I got back on the road to financial abundance.  I’m not sure exactly HOW that will happen, but meanwhile I’d like to share a few of the survival tips I’ve learned as I start posting twice weekly from now on.

I’ve found a couple of awesome life coaches/friends who encourage me to stay positive despite the financial lull and sometimes a lack of positive supportive people in my life.  Maybe this resonates with you?

I’m grateful for so many things in my life (health, friends, opportunities, partnership, inspiration….) and as my world changes and I become more abundant (here’s hoping!) I’d like to encourage others, through my blog posts here, to know that life doesn’t end when you hit a gap in earnings!

I’m a Big Proponent of Positive / Optimistic Thinking

I love books and motivational speakers and reading anything that promotes good health, self-love, and the Law of Attraction (making dreams come true!) – and I love promoting people and things that create positive energy, so I’d like to share two great inspirations I found today: (Thank you to both Maria and Marie !)

• One Wise Life – daily Facebook motivational sessions.  Maria Flynn of OneWiseLife.com hosts an incredible, daily 9:30 EST Facebook Live session. – Today’s session was very relevant to me:  “If you Don’t Own Your Day, Your Day will Own You.”  Here’s the link to the rebroadcast (click on the pic)

• MarieForleo.com videos  – today’s segment was about the importance of a positive attitude with some great advice:

Becoming my own Cheerleader…

One of the ways I’ve discovered that I can be productive, do market research in customer service and put myself out in the mainstream to find new work (hopefully in my specialty) is to bartend at major sporting events.  While the financial gains are yet to manifest, it does remind me that cheerleading is an important part of sporting events – and also in life.

One of my goals in 2017 is to finally write (and take the journey) to become my own best cheerleader!  I hope you’ll join me along the way, keep reading, and share this blog if it resonates with you.  Sometimes I feel like a lone eagle who joyfully supports, inspires and (hopefully) motivates others – and I’m learning that I need to do the same for myself.

I’d love to hear your comments – or brickbats.  Blogging can be a lonely sport – and I’m hoping something I say might inspire you along the way.  And if you have ideas on how I can find contracts, speaking engagements and just to say hi – drop me a note (caroldekkers at gmail dot com.)  Thanks for reading and…

Have an awesome week!

Carol

Graduation day revisited… it’s never too late for your dreams!

I graduated from mechanical  engineering many moons ago with the wide-eyed dreams of youth backed by a zest for the future and a century’s worth of wishful thinking.  For the next few years, life was a dream… jobs were plentiful,  I was a newlywed and new mother,  and even though finances were precarious (my husband went back to university to pursue a new career in a new city when my daughter was 4 months old) I had nothing but optimism for the future ahead.  What was woefully missing, and I never realized it, was a sense of self (as in self-acceptance, pride and self-love.)  While my business sense of self was intact, my personal worth and persona was based on the views of parents, husband and friends. As such, I found happiness only when others accepted me and I was making them happy.

Fast forward to today with grown children,  grandchildren, years of experience, age and financial uncertainty.  Jobs in my niche are scarce, ageism is rampant, savings are small and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to retire… hardly the image of success according to the “others” in my past, BUT, that’s all secondary to the fact that I’m truly happy.

Life has had many twists and turns, highs and lows, successes and failures, and I  finally realize that all of the external success and acceptance by others in my life was a red herring.  Happiness comes with self-acceptance and self-love, and without those, happiness is fleeting. Certainly love, parenting, friends, adventure, money and other things are important,  but not when it comes at the expense or with the exclusion of self.

Good things from others in my life are the icing on the cake, but the cake is a foundation of self-love and self-acceptance.

Today as I see so many celebratory posts about parents and graduates, I find that I am revisiting, with new eyes, the dreams and hopes of graduation.  The difference this time is that the hopes and dreams are based on being in love with myself first… and others second.

I’ve included below some of my favorite motivation/graduation style sayings. They resonate with me and I hope that a few will do so with you – no matter where you are in life and in love.  Celebrate who YOU are and reach for the stars!