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Sharing is caring (including blog posts)…

28 Nov

Time goes by in an instant and before we know it, we’re at the age we used to scoff at!  I’m there… The good news is that growing older (as opposed to the alternative) comes with great benefits!

One is being more tolerant and patient (with others and myself.)  I don’t always reach my goals, but I like to revisit them (hoping to set less and more realistic ones going forward.)

In 2017, I wanted to focus more on what nurtures and nourishes my soul (like blogging and happy relationships), and steer clear of those things that detract (like eating too much and hanging out with toxic people.)  I didn’t succeed enough, but I feel that it’s working just to have the goal in mind.

When it comes to creating content, I’m discovering that friends (and fellow bloggers) often post similar experiences before (and with better words) than I do.

Case in point, a friend put up a Facebook post that mirrored a recent experience I had (s/he allowed me to share):

“I may not be perfect or even nearly so. I may not be soft or gentle with words or actions. I may not even be someone many like .
I am however a true friend. A caring person and a person that has feelings and heart. #heavyheart #hurt #movingForward

Reading these words made me realize I’m not alone with my experiences, and I can deliver more and better content (at times) by sharing what is already written.

A new direction for 2018 – More sharing…

Watch this blog for more content from others with great posts that resonate with me (and hopefully also with you.)

And, may I suggest that blogging is meant to be a social experiment?  Would you do me a favor and leave me a word or two when you read something you like (or don’t like)?

While we all forge our own way forward, I’m hoping you’ll agree that our experiences are not always unique – and sharing makes us connected even if we’re a continent away or a generation apart.

My first share – 9 Essential Life Lessons…

9 Essential Life Lessons

I loved this… what do you think?

Have a great week! – Carol

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Undeniable – our DNA tells the story of humanity and life…

31 Jan

No matter how hard I try, I can’t get the images of the grown American man crying at the airport because his brother who had finally received his LEGAL, BONA-FIDE, permanent resident green card (after years of vetting and background checks) was detained at the airport.  It was heart-breaking and moved me to tears.  Without bringing politics or partisanship into play, I feel for anyone who faces rejection for any reason.  That’s just who I am… (and I’ve personally been through the visa, green card and citizenship road – it takes years of poking, prodding, investigation, interviews, background checks, more investigation, more interviews, vetting, etc. – it is certainly not a slam dunk, passport stamp process!)

I am optimistically hopeful with the new USA administration, and I am also cautiously concerned about some of the sweeping rhetoric and views expressed by elected officials with “we, the people’s” best interests in mind.  I hope that calm heads prevail and that kindness and sanity become our moniker!  America is and was great… period.

As someone who is not a Native American Indian, I am among the 99% of Americans who immigrated to this country.  I am not ashamed to say that an IMMIGRANT and if you are American and reading this, so are YOU (most likely!)

I love the people, the ambition, the open-mindedness, and overall savoir faire attitude and freedom.

I am also learning that history repeats itself (and not always in a good way…)

Last year I visited the National Archives in Washington, DC where the historical documents dating back hundreds of years are preserved and displayed.  I took particular note of turn of the century (early 1900’s) manuscripts and documents authored by immigrants (who were now in power in the U.S.) who cast laws to prevent immigration of their own people  (at the time I think it was Italians, in particular) — just a handful of years later.

I was bewildered by the fact that these men felt justified to enter the country as foreigners through Ellis Island (and obviously, in their opinion, they were good, upstanding, worthy of entry, people) and just a few years later, judged their own countrymen as scoundrels with ill-intent.  I’m still perplexed how power and money changes people. (I still smile at lawmakers who judge the unemployed as “lazy” until they, themselves are unemployed…)

It is interesting how inclusion of ourselves is important, but exclusion of others (who are exactly us – just separated by time) prevail when it’s no longer us who are directly affected.

How easy it is to judge and make rules when they don’t affect us personally.  I agree that we need to keep the “bad people” out of our country (as should any country!) – it’s just common sense, and…

I am also disturbed and concerned that we continue to repeat our history, instead of learning from it (I am intimately familiar with this trend of “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” in software development!  But, that’s another story…)  There has to be a better way.

DNA doesn’t lie and we are all connected as humanity…

I’d like to share this video with you simply for your comments and consideration.  It brings me to tears every time I watch it, so I’m just leaving it here…

Comments?  Wishing you a peaceful, happy, optimistic and uplifting day, week, year!

Love, C

Own Your Day or it will Own You…

17 Jan

Thanks for joining me here today!  It’s going to be an awesome day ahead – or is it?

It’s been almost 18 months since I’ve posted on this blog and today is the day I do something different and start posting again.  Since June 2015, a lot of things have happened in my life – both positive and negative (I’m sure it’s the same for you!) – the most notable that I haven’t earned an income since May of last year, despite having the expertise, experience, putting myself out there, having tons of positivity, optimism, and donating my time to my industries (through various volunteer Board of Directors work.)

For whatever reason, I’ve hit a brick wall in terms of income (I can’t collect unemployment as an independent consultant,) and… yet I’m surviving, and it’s time I got back on the road to financial abundance.  I’m not sure exactly HOW that will happen, but meanwhile I’d like to share a few of the survival tips I’ve learned as I start posting twice weekly from now on.

attitude

I’ve found a couple of awesome life coaches/friends who encourage me to stay positive despite the financial lull and sometimes a lack of positive supportive people in my life.  Maybe this resonates with you?

I’m grateful for so many things in my life (health, friends, opportunities, partnership, inspiration….) and as my world changes and I become more abundant (here’s hoping!) I’d like to encourage others, through my blog posts here, to know that life doesn’t end when you hit a gap in earnings!

I’m a Big Proponent of Positive / Optimistic Thinking

I love books and motivational speakers and reading anything that promotes good health, self-love, and the Law of Attraction (making dreams come true!) – and I love promoting people and things that create positive energy, so I’d like to share two great inspirations I found today: (Thank you to both Maria and Marie !)

  • One Wise Life – daily Facebook motivational sessions.  Maria Flynn of OneWiseLife.com hosts an incredible, daily 9:30 EST Facebook Live session. – Today’s session was very relevant to me:  “If you Don’t Own Your Day, Your Day will Own You.”  Here’s the link to the rebroadcast (click on the pic)

one-wise-life-own-your-day-jan-17

  • MarieForleo.com videos  – today’s segment was about the importance of a positive attitude with some great advice:

marie-forleo-attitude-jan-17

Becoming my own Cheerleader…

One of the ways I’ve discovered that I can be productive, do market research in customer service and put myself out in the mainstream to find new work (hopefully in my specialty) is to bartend at major sporting events.  While the financial gains are yet to manifest, it does remind me that cheerleading is an important part of sporting events – and also in life.

One of my goals in 2017 is to finally write (and take the journey) to become my own best cheerleader!  I hope you’ll join me along the way, keep reading, and share this blog if it resonates with you.  Sometimes I feel like a lone eagle who joyfully supports, inspires and (hopefully) motivates others – and I’m learning that I need to do the same for myself.

I’d love to hear your comments – or brickbats.  Blogging can be a lonely sport – and I’m hoping something I say might inspire you along the way.  And if you have ideas on how I can find contracts, speaking engagements and just to say hi – drop me a note (caroldekkers at gmail dot com.)  Thanks for reading and…

Have an awesome week!

Carol

Trust means letting go of the outcome

11 Dec

I’ve been on hiatus – living life to the fullest, meeting new people, having the best time of my life, learning that becoming my own best friend is a wonderful thing!

As part of this journey of happiness (“Happiness is a journey not a destination” – Souza), I am discovering that TRUST is a powerful word laden with all sorts of emotional baggage from the past.  I grew up with an unbalanced view of God and the universe (in my humble opinion) – if anything in my life went well, I was told that it was because of God shining favorably on me.  However, if anything went bad in my life, well that was solely due to my inadequacy to make things go right – and furthermore it must have been due to my personal lapse with God.

Today I know better!  I know that there are certain things that are within my control (trusting my instincts, choosing what is best for me, putting my best self into a relationship, making good choices, choosing whether to stay friends with abusive people, being kind, doing charity, etc.) and there are many things that are completely outside of my control (how other people behave, other people’s choices, what people say or do to me, the weather, traffic patterns, who passes me on the street, when the universe will deliver what I need, etc.)

It’s not really trust when it is within YOUR control…

For me, the road to becoming blissfully happy has been to know the difference between what I can control (me) and what I cannot.  Trusting myself has little risk – the outcome is something that I can reliably count on.   I trust that my perceptions, feelings, intuitions, and outlook are genuine and right for me. It is powerful to know this (and to dismiss as uninformed anyone who tells me otherwise.)

Cover of

Cover of The Four Agreements: A 48-Card Deck

Sidenote:  If you are like me and spent time in a narcissistic or controlling household or marriage or relationship, to arrive at a position of trusting oneself (after years of being told your perceptions were wrong) is an accomplishment in itself.  Never allow anyone to override what you know is best for you – your intuition is the best friend you can ever have!  Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz for guidance on doing this (Agreement #1 – Always live with integrity.  (in other words, respect and love yourself and never say anything to yourself that you would not say to a best friend!)

Trust really comes in when you do not have control…

I believe that our views on Trust (trusting another to put your best interests first) gives “Trust” way too much power over us.

We trust our government to do the right thing (individuals do what is in THEIR best interests not necessarily ours), friends to be there for us (again it may not be in their best interests all the time), family to love us (outside of our control), and the universe/God to answer our prayers and manifest our dreams (timing is outside of our control.)  And when the other party lets us down, we find it hard to trust again.

But, when we reframe the word Trust into a concept where we let go of the outcome and tie Trust to Hope and not Expectations – we can continue to Trust without being angry or hurt by the outcome.

Trust tied to expectations ends up being about me (which is ego-centric and unfair to everyone involved).

Trust tied to hope is about letting go of the outcome and realizing that life happens in spite of us.  This is a much healthier way to live.

Let me illustrate with a few examples:

1. I ask you to mail a package for me and I “trust” that you will do it.

If trust = expectations, then if something comes up (outside of my control) and you neglect to mail the package at the appointed time, I will be angry at you for not meeting my expectations (and putting me ahead of other priorities).  If trust = hope, I can let go of the emotion that the outcome had anything to do with me.  I can be disappointed, but with hope, I can realize that the outcome was not within my control.  I trusted that the outcome would be good, but can live with the fact that it was not what I had hoped for.

2. I ask you to go to a company dinner with me and I “trust” that you will attend.

If trust = expectations, then if you forget to put it on your calendar and make other plans, I will be agitated that I wasn’t important enough (when the result may have had little to do with me.)  If trust = hope, then I can be disappointed, but I can realize that I cannot control you or your behavior.  (I may not ask you the next time, or may remind you next time, but I can live knowing that I am not in control of you!)

3. I commit my dreams to God/the Universe and “trust” that they will come true.

If trust = expectations, then when my dreams do not manifest in the exact time and place I want, I lose faith in God and the universe and wonder what I did wrong.  If trust = hope, then as my dreams unfold in the exact way that is best for me (I have to trust in this) then I am okay with the outcome.  Life seldom unfolds in the exact way we would have it if we were entirely in control, and often it comes out better than we could have ever planned.

The Next Five Weeks…

I have a wedding (my son), a move (5 weeks notice to vacate was just given to me by my landlord), the holiday season (laden with people and stressors), and some family issues to deal with… I know that I will get through it all by reframing Trust with Hope.  I trust (hope) that the universe will help me to find the perfect new place to live; that my son’s wedding will be a day they long remember with fondness; that the family issues will sort themselves out.  But I don’t expect it all to be “peaches and cream and rosy.”  I can do what I can do and Trust (= hope) that everything will turn out fine.

I hope that something I’ve written here resonates with you – have a wonderful December and a Happy New Year 2013!

Carol

Is anything “real” these days?

6 Sep

 

 

The internet has spawned an “International Attention Crisis” where people worldwide are addicted to constant (24×7) updates and instant gratification by social media, email, voice mail, and other “indirect” (i.e., non-face-to-face) contact with others.

 

Walk into any restaurant, bar, coffee shop, or even car, these days and you’ll seldom find anyone to talk to – in person that is – and you’ll find the same with everyone else.  It’s as if we’ve all become zombie slaves to our electronic connection tools.

 

Sometimes I wonder if there is really any communication happening in person today… except on reality TV shows where fantasy and reality blend seamlessly to convince us that non-communication in our homes and personal lives is okay.

 

Tell me what is real and what is fantasy in these situations:

 

– People sitting at the same table in a restaurant or bar (who are in-person friends) all texting others who are not there;

 

– Drivers in cars watching their smart phone screens instead of traffic all around them;

 

– Children who text their parents from their rooms instead of walking into the same room to talk;

 

– Facebook members who brag about having 5000+ “friends” when research proves that the human mind can accommodate a mere 150-or so friend relationships;

 

– People who call out or disrespect others using Facebook because they lack the guts to communicate directly;

 

– Unlimited texting is more popular than unlimited talk on cell phones;

 

– Twitter is replacing email systems as the preferred method for some corporate communications;

 

– When you meet someone they ask you if you are on Facebook or Twitter before they ask for your phone number or other contact information;

 

– People know you by your photo on social media and don’t recognize you in person;

 

– Interactive voice recognition (IVR) computer systems block access to real people when you need help desk support – sometimes there is no possible way to reach a live human being who can solve your problem;

 

– The only way to bypass circular menu systems and reach a live person at banks or cell phone providers is to say “Cancel service”;

 

– When people say “I’ll call you right back” it usually means they are bored of talking to you and will often text instead of calling back;

 

– “Events” from Facebook or social media fill out your social calendar where you mingle with mostly people you don’t care to meet again;

 

– Life becomes more isolated, more self-reliant, more independent, and less connected (even though it seems you are ultra-connected!)

 

Perhaps it is a sign that I am getting old, but I long for the days gone by when people went to restaurants and bars to meet and mingle rather than post photos and check-in on Facebook.  I’d like to go out “with” people who are not tethered, have a real date with a guy who isn’t constantly checking his email, and have good conversation with friends who are truly interested in my life and vice versa.

 

While it does happen from time to time, the reality is that nothing that was real yesterday (true communication, compassion, connection, and genuine interest) is real today.  Technology is supposed to be a communication “enabler” but I’m wondering just what kind of “enabling” it is really doing to our life today.

 

Is anything (or anyone) real these days or are we all living in the fantasy of virtual communication?

 

Wishing you genuine connections with real-life people!

 

Carol

 

 

Keep your Hand up to Get Ahead…

18 Jun

There are more and more women dropping out of the IT workforce, and since the 80’s peak of 1/3 women in computer science, the statistics are at an all-time low of less than 20% of students being women in computer science programs.

In 2011, an all male team of university researchers published studies and held symposiums aimed to increase female participation in the technical engineering and computer science fields.  The answers are as complex as the questions – with no ready one-size-fits-all solutions.  Is it women not supporting women?  Is it a workplace and environment that does not allow diversity?  Is it an old-boys club that excludes women?  Do women have different needs?  It is all and none of these, but without work and interest to change the future, we will be destined to repeat the past.  Change starts with me and you… and I’ve got lots of ideas (hmmm… a book?)

Here’s a link to an interesting TED presentation on the topic – what do you think?

I LOVE the concept / quote from this video: People (especially Women) need to Keep Our Hands Up to Get Ahead!

(This was in reference to a story she tells where she told an audience she would take 2 more questions.  Once the two questions were posed and answered, most people put their hands down – but not all.  She then proceeded to take a few more questions from the persistent few who had kept their hands up.  Her advice is to Keep your Hand up to gain a step ahead.  Too often, women (especially!)  quit too early (and follow directions too readily) – just because it seems like the game is over!)

Watch and comment (please!)

Here’s the URL: http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html

Have a great week!

Carol

Childlike is not Childish…

26 Mar

What a joy it is to watch confident children under the age of 10 at playgrounds or at social events!  They make new friends quickly, are color-blind (to race and gender), approach adults with sincerity, are uninhibited, and look at the future with wonder.

When I take my 8-year-old granddaughter out to a playground or the beach, it amazes me how quickly she makes new friends with other children.  There is no judgment, no hesitation, no sizing up of the other -a simple sharing of time, energy and fun for the duration.  It is nice to see children who are color-blind (not sensitive to racial differences) and gender neutral playing together as fast friends.

Somehow, between childhood and the teen years, we lose this trait of accepting others at face value, replacing it with judgment, scorn, racism, sexism and “society” rules that keep us from easily mixing with people we don’t already know.

It also amazes me to see how freely children will dance to music – they seldom care whether anyone is watching or judging their moves.  Somehow we gain so many inhibitions when we grow into adulthood. Inhibitions stick with us for a lifetime – at least until we are so old we no longer care.

Any newspaper I pick up (globally) is filled with stories about disagreement and hate in today’s world, and I long for and wonder what happened to the children we were yesterday.  Can you remember what it was like to be uninhibited and free of judgment? Can you imagine what our world would be like if adults were more childlike and could accept each other at face value?  Racism, sexism, ageism, and other biases are learned behaviors – can you imagine how incredible life could be if we fostered acceptance instead of discrimination?

We need more childlike behaviors in our world today (not the childish ones we so often see).  What do you think?

Just food for thought on the first Monday of spring.

Have a good week,

Carol

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