Undeniable – our DNA tells the story of humanity and life…

31 Jan

No matter how hard I try, I can’t get the images of the grown American man crying at the airport because his brother who had finally received his LEGAL, BONA-FIDE, permanent resident green card (after years of vetting and background checks) was detained at the airport.  It was heart-breaking and moved me to tears.  Without bringing politics or partisanship into play, I feel for anyone who faces rejection for any reason.  That’s just who I am… (and I’ve personally been through the visa, green card and citizenship road – it takes years of poking, prodding, investigation, interviews, background checks, more investigation, more interviews, vetting, etc. – it is certainly not a slam dunk, passport stamp process!)

I am optimistically hopeful with the new USA administration, and I am also cautiously concerned about some of the sweeping rhetoric and views expressed by elected officials with “we, the people’s” best interests in mind.  I hope that calm heads prevail and that kindness and sanity become our moniker!  America is and was great… period.

As someone who is not a Native American Indian, I am among the 99% of Americans who immigrated to this country.  I am not ashamed to say that an IMMIGRANT and if you are American and reading this, so are YOU (most likely!)

I love the people, the ambition, the open-mindedness, and overall savoir faire attitude and freedom.

I am also learning that history repeats itself (and not always in a good way…)

Last year I visited the National Archives in Washington, DC where the historical documents dating back hundreds of years are preserved and displayed.  I took particular note of turn of the century (early 1900’s) manuscripts and documents authored by immigrants (who were now in power in the U.S.) who cast laws to prevent immigration of their own people  (at the time I think it was Italians, in particular) — just a handful of years later.

I was bewildered by the fact that these men felt justified to enter the country as foreigners through Ellis Island (and obviously, in their opinion, they were good, upstanding, worthy of entry, people) and just a few years later, judged their own countrymen as scoundrels with ill-intent.  I’m still perplexed how power and money changes people. (I still smile at lawmakers who judge the unemployed as “lazy” until they, themselves are unemployed…)

It is interesting how inclusion of ourselves is important, but exclusion of others (who are exactly us – just separated by time) prevail when it’s no longer us who are directly affected.

How easy it is to judge and make rules when they don’t affect us personally.  I agree that we need to keep the “bad people” out of our country (as should any country!) – it’s just common sense, and…

I am also disturbed and concerned that we continue to repeat our history, instead of learning from it (I am intimately familiar with this trend of “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” in software development!  But, that’s another story…)  There has to be a better way.

DNA doesn’t lie and we are all connected as humanity…

I’d like to share this video with you simply for your comments and consideration.  It brings me to tears every time I watch it, so I’m just leaving it here…

Comments?  Wishing you a peaceful, happy, optimistic and uplifting day, week, year!

Love, C

Own Your Day or it will Own You…

17 Jan

Thanks for joining me here today!  It’s going to be an awesome day ahead – or is it?

It’s been almost 18 months since I’ve posted on this blog and today is the day I do something different and start posting again.  Since June 2015, a lot of things have happened in my life – both positive and negative (I’m sure it’s the same for you!) – the most notable that I haven’t earned an income since May of last year, despite having the expertise, experience, putting myself out there, having tons of positivity, optimism, and donating my time to my industries (through various volunteer Board of Directors work.)

For whatever reason, I’ve hit a brick wall in terms of income (I can’t collect unemployment as an independent consultant,) and… yet I’m surviving, and it’s time I got back on the road to financial abundance.  I’m not sure exactly HOW that will happen, but meanwhile I’d like to share a few of the survival tips I’ve learned as I start posting twice weekly from now on.

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I’ve found a couple of awesome life coaches/friends who encourage me to stay positive despite the financial lull and sometimes a lack of positive supportive people in my life.  Maybe this resonates with you?

I’m grateful for so many things in my life (health, friends, opportunities, partnership, inspiration….) and as my world changes and I become more abundant (here’s hoping!) I’d like to encourage others, through my blog posts here, to know that life doesn’t end when you hit a gap in earnings!

I’m a Big Proponent of Positive / Optimistic Thinking

I love books and motivational speakers and reading anything that promotes good health, self-love, and the Law of Attraction (making dreams come true!) – and I love promoting people and things that create positive energy, so I’d like to share two great inspirations I found today: (Thank you to both Maria and Marie !)

  • One Wise Life – daily Facebook motivational sessions.  Maria Flynn of OneWiseLife.com hosts an incredible, daily 9:30 EST Facebook Live session. – Today’s session was very relevant to me:  “If you Don’t Own Your Day, Your Day will Own You.”  Here’s the link to the rebroadcast (click on the pic)

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  • MarieForleo.com videos  – today’s segment was about the importance of a positive attitude with some great advice:

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Becoming my own Cheerleader…

One of the ways I’ve discovered that I can be productive, do market research in customer service and put myself out in the mainstream to find new work (hopefully in my specialty) is to bartend at major sporting events.  While the financial gains are yet to manifest, it does remind me that cheerleading is an important part of sporting events – and also in life.

One of my goals in 2017 is to finally write (and take the journey) to become my own best cheerleader!  I hope you’ll join me along the way, keep reading, and share this blog if it resonates with you.  Sometimes I feel like a lone eagle who joyfully supports, inspires and (hopefully) motivates others – and I’m learning that I need to do the same for myself.

I’d love to hear your comments – or brickbats.  Blogging can be a lonely sport – and I’m hoping something I say might inspire you along the way.  And if you have ideas on how I can find contracts, speaking engagements and just to say hi – drop me a note (caroldekkers at gmail dot com.)  Thanks for reading and…

Have an awesome week!

Carol

Graduation day revisited… it’s never too late for your dreams!

4 Jun

I graduated from mechanical  engineering many moons ago with the wide-eyed dreams of youth backed by a zest for the future and a century’s worth of wishful thinking.  For the next few years, life was a dream… jobs were plentiful,  I was a newlywed and new mother,  and even though finances were precarious (my husband went back to university to pursue a new career in a new city when my daughter was 4 months old) I had nothing but optimism for the future ahead.  What was woefully missing, and I never realized it, was a sense of self (as in self-acceptance, pride and self-love.)  While my business sense of self was intact, my personal worth and persona was based on the views of parents, husband and friends. As such, I found happiness only when others accepted me and I was making them happy.

Fast forward to today with grown children,  grandchildren, years of experience, age and financial uncertainty.  Jobs in my niche are scarce, ageism is rampant, savings are small and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to retire… hardly the image of success according to the “others” in my past, BUT, that’s all secondary to the fact that I’m truly happy.

Life has had many twists and turns, highs and lows, successes and failures, and I  finally realize that all of the external success and acceptance by others in my life was a red herring.  Happiness comes with self-acceptance and self-love, and without those, happiness is fleeting. Certainly love, parenting, friends, adventure, money and other things are important,  but not when it comes at the expense or with the exclusion of self.

Good things from others in my life are the icing on the cake, but the cake is a foundation of self-love and self-acceptance.

Today as I see so many celebratory posts about parents and graduates, I find that I am revisiting, with new eyes, the dreams and hopes of graduation.  The difference this time is that the hopes and dreams are based on being in love with myself first… and others second.

I’ve included below some of my favorite motivation/graduation style sayings. They resonate with me and I hope that a few will do so with you – no matter where you are in life and in love.  Celebrate who YOU are and reach for the stars!

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Is it just me or do we thrive on missed connections?

21 Aug

I’m old school and seemingly a dinosaur today…  I like intelligent one-on-one conversations, phone calls that connect, seeing people in person, in other words, connecting on a personal level.  Does anyone else still value these things?

Two-way communication used to be so much easier. I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering what’s happened to make communication as difficult and complicated as it is today.

Today’s frenzied, busy busy world of over committed parental family units, the quest for maximum productivity, and cramming more work into every day, is, in many ways disconcerting.

Certainly technology makes instant contact a possibility, but it is also more screened and more pretentious than ever before.  It is common place to send emails five or six times before you get a response. Text threads that are initiated by another abruptly stop without reason, seldom to be picked up again. Voicemails go unattended and unreturned.

Is not communicating the new societal norm?

As an extrovert who works from home without the support of an office group, and as a single female whose friends have younger children and busy lives, I find that the smarter our phones and technology become, the dumber our relationships become.

I like people and it gives me energy when the connections are genuine, but I’m finding so many misinterpretations and disconnects today. I am a happy, communicative, upbeat person who values relationships but I’m feeling a bit frustrated.

Here’s some examples of why:

– friends/family send and receive multiple texts then simply stop mid-conversation, despite further attempts to continue.  Sometimes the conversation never picks up again despite retries. Interruptions are inevitable, but sometimes contact lapses for days;
– male friends text me on a moment’s notice on a Fri or Sat to go out on a date and become offended when I say I’ve already made plans. Often they never ask again or refuse to ask me in advance and do the last minute texts again and again;
– friends won’t pick up the phone and despite voicemail, are too busy to call back, even about mutual plans;
– meeting times are fluid and people seldom call to say they’ll be late. Some arrive (if at all)  consistently 2 hours after the pre-arranged meeting time (even if they’ve set it). When they do sour up, the cir a litany of things they had to do first;
-emails to business associates go unanswered despite clear subject lines that they created.  Sometimes the urgency of the topic is critical (high) but it doesn’t change their (lack of,) response. Certainly priorities change, but there is no follow-up to let others

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– misconstrued texts that incur offense, disdain or anger based on assumed meaning (I’m as guilty as any in misinterpreting texts.) Then when time passes between texts, the emotion escalates unnecessarily. People seem reluctant to pick up the phone to clarify what they think they (mis)understand;
– plans fall flat or change without notice and the other person neglects to get in touch.  To  compensate for this, I routinely make plans to either do something I can do alone (when others cancel) or make backup plans for no shows (or they find something better to do);
– conversations end because a device dies and there’s no charger around. I’ve made plans to meet up with friends where I’m essentially stood-up because the other’s phone died and they didn’t attempt to find me;
– people bring tablets or smart phones and then do emails or Facebook when we’re out in groups (not posting pictures or checking in.) One friend ignored me entirely one night (on his day off) because he said his work was “blowing up” and he was buried in his smart phone doing emails;
– many more examples of non-connection…

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Is the world changing, am I too tolerant (or sensitive) of others, or is it something else? What is your experience communicating today?

For me, I’m happier than I’ve ever been before, but (mis) communication seems to translate into others not caring (at least that’s what I was taught.)

Comments…recommendations…observations?

Hope you have an uplifting week of great connections and wondrous experiences.

Carol

GE was wrong, puppies and cartoons bring good things to life!

17 Jun

Marketers throughout the world know how to make money and gain attention – involve puppies (or cute kittens) or make people laugh (through cartoons) and you can move a nation.

YouTube videos that go viral usually center around the cuteness factor (puppies, kittens, adorable babies or wild animals doing cute things,) or hilarity (which can be country specific…)  And, even more so, when our emotions can be stirred about either one, a mass outpouring can occur.  I just realized this today, when a news story was aired about a childhood cartoon character’s demise (Calvin of Calvin and Hobbs.)

In life, we want to feel connected, to be accepted, to be happy in our human experience, whether through real-life-human contact or stories about it.

Here’s a couple of examples…

What stirs YOUR emotions today?

I’ll bet it has nothing to do with technology or TV, but rather human relationships, puppies (or kittens) or childhood memories.

Am I right, or out to lunch?

I learned today, and I believe, it’s puppies, cartoons, and living that bring good things to life!

Have a great day!

Carol

 

The Grand Illusion of online… Who are We?

12 Jun

Humanity has always struggled with the question:  Who am I and where do I fit in the world?

100 years ago, this was easily answered – identity was based on social status (rich or poor), infamy (Bonnie-and-Clyde), profession (you’re the town doctor/undertaker/barman), or  relationship (you’re so-and-so’s mother/father/sister/wife/brother/husband/friend/lover, etc.)

Today, with the “Grand illusion of online connectivity,”

it’s so much harder to figure out what the world thinks of us.  You might say, who cares?, but no one, outside of hermits living in complete isolation in the woods, can truly say that outside opinions don’t affect their well-being.

In our online, connected social/not-so-social, 24 x 7 world, we are infinitely judged by everyone for anything we post/blog/utter/comment online.  I say “infinitely” because once words are pressed into digital media (texts, posts, blogs, comments, emails, etc.) there is a permanent, accessible record.

And judged we are – 24 x 7 – no matter if we recant, remove, erase the words, our persona online becomes what others perceive us to be.  We are judged by people we may never meet, by people in other countries, by people who gain a snippet of our life as we allow them to see online, and our image of ourselves can be forever altered.

I’ve thought about this… Facebook reaches over a billion members worldwide.  People of every facet of global society are on Facebook and pass judgment based on the two-dimensional words, photos, friend lists, and associations we make (our likes, dislikes, comments, etc.):

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Online affects kids AND adults…

Who we are and how others view us is critical to both kids (who are finding their way in the world based on social media, YouTube videos, online comments, etc.) AND adults.  I see this as a looming crisis as we, the civilized 1st world, pretend doesn’t matter.  We comfort ourselves by saying that our kids are connected and safe and loved when we give technology gifts instead of spending our time and energy connecting with them one-on-one.

Our news media is filled with reports of cyber-bullying and intimidation with sometimes dire results (depression and even death, sadly.)  Yet, others profess that online friendships have rescued their lives (the infirm and home bound.)  Ultimately, time will tell what a generation of children raised mostly online will give us.  (Hopefully they will be able to talk and connect to each other as human beings!)

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I’m connected almost 24 x 7, but who am I?

I’ll be the first to admit that I spend  most of my waking hours “online.”  By that, I mean, essentially tethered by an electronic umbilical cord to my smart phone, my laptop (now), or my tablet and am constantly accessible to the world through Facebook, e-mail, text messaging, Facebook messaging, or Skype.

My professional work is home-based and on-the-road based (I teach project management and speak at conferences worldwide) – and when I work from home, I have the luxury (and the bane) of not ever having to step outside my front door, yet I find that my true identity is when I go out and interact face-to-face with other people.

I am confident and secure with who I am, yet I hear of other adults (and youngsters) who struggle to find their place in the outside world – mostly based on their online interactions. One poll stated that over 2/3 of Facebook users BLATANTLY LIE with their  posts – yet the posts are legal and have the power to be used for/against people in court!  (It goes against who I am to lie online… just saying.)

On behalf of friends (and myself), I’ve agreed to conduct a short experiment (that I’ll publish the results of) to gauge if who you think I am matches in any way who I truly am… will you take part (please?)

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Who do YOU think I am (an online experiment…)

Here’s the challenge:  give me a three word description (no profanity please!) based on what you’ve read on this blog or on my other blogs or on Facebook that you think best describes me (I know I’m opening myself up by leaving it free format here.)

To make it easy, here’s a template:

 

Regardless of the Grand Illusion – Go Offline to really connect and stay true

I created a National Offline Day (it’s a Facebook event) as a global way to for people to reconnect with real people in your real life.

Won’t you join in?

I’m committed to reconnecting with the people in my life and my neighborhood for 12 hours – for the sake of my real-life sanity.  Let’s get back to who we really know we are… for real and in-person without the grand illusion of online personas.  🙂

Have a great week!

National Offline Day – August 3, 2014

27 May

I traveled back from London, UK to Toronto last Friday, May 16 after a week of working, and I was dismayed to read the headline article in the Daily Mail about a recent study linking heavy internet to negative outcomes for our youth (click on the image that follows or the link beneath it to read the article.)

Not that I hadn’t been hearing rumors about the negative effects of online and the lack of good, solid communication skills prevailing in North America and Europe (and not just in our young people) … I just didn’t expect the widespread results found in this latest research.

So, I’d like to declare Sunday August 3, 2014 as National Offline Day!  (Here’s the link to the Facebook event page I created: https://www.facebook.com/events/1492244714326734/?source=1#)

The intention is to unplug for 12 hours from social media and be a day for families, friends, and especially children to reconnect with each other and meet people the old-fashioned way – in person!

Here’s what I propose:  Sunday August 3, 2014 from 9am to 9pm (in whatever time zone you are) commit to go offline and unplug for 12 hours!  (After 9 pm, post photos of your experience and add comments to the Facebook event.)

You can use your cell phone to MAKE CALLS only – no texting, no Facebook posts, no tweeting, no email – for 12 hours.  Spend time through direct one-on-one contact with your kids, your friends, meet new people, get in contact with your fellow human beings (or connect with the good in yourself!)

Have a picnic, a beach day, a craft brew bottle share, a bbq – anything you normally would do – but without any online exchange.  Will you support this – what do you think?

Share the idea around, and let’s just do it!  Can we make National Offline Day August 3, 2014 happen?

Background

Here’s the article in the Daily Mail May 15, 2014 you can read for yourself, the Headline speaks volumes!

daily mail web usehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2629866/Heavy-web-use-harms-childs-mental-health-Every-hour-raises-risk-warns-watchdog.html

While I don’t agree that the Internet CAUSES mental illness (in the same way that the internet cannot cause weak ankles, poor vision or the like) – I do agree that we have nurtured unconscious alienation from each other through “the advancements in communication” technology.

Kids are the first to suffer from a lack of physical love and words of affection – exacerbated with technology. Kids need connection, hugs, kind words of affirmation – in other words direct human contact!

That’s the reason behind National Offline Day August 3, 2014.

(Sidenote, I do agree that the internet has many positive results such as creating community among those who feel alienated in offline life, but bear with me for a moment.)

Online technology has become an excuse for poor one-on-one communication – regardless of age!

Communication experts note that messages received rely on body language and tone, with only 7% of the message getting through based on the chosen words.  With today’s instant messaging and other online forms, 100% of the message relies on words (or stupid acronyms like Laugh Out Loud – LOL.)

Let’s make a point of getting in touch with each other this one day a year (to start) and maybe create it more often too!

Have a great week (as you read this post online!  And probably were alerted to it by Facebook or Twitter… LOL!)

– Carol

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