Tag Archives: text messaging

Clues as to Why She Might NOT be into You… (especially for men over 40!)

10 Aug

Following on the coat tails of “He’s just not that into you,” I’ve developed a list of common behaviors rampant among men (over 40) in Florida.  Every one of these has happened to me in the past 6 months (!) and my friends concur that they experience the same thing.

While we see these as absolute turn-offs, we constantly have guy friends who say “We can’t figure out why she didn’t call/text/email me back – I thought we were soooo compatible.”

So, if you are over 40, male, straight, and living in Florida (and elsewhere), here’s the top 10 list of disrespectful behaviors that should give you a hint about:

  “Why she just might not be that into YOU”:

1. If she tells you she doesn’t like texting and you insist on texting anyways; it’s likely she won’t be into you.

2. When you ask the type of food she likes and disregard her response & take her to Hooters; it’s likely she just won’t be into you.

3. No advance date planning ahead of 3 hours; this is just plain narcissistic to think that we women are waiting by the phone for your call.  If we are busy and active, (which those of us who are emotionally healthy and happy ARE), we’re not going to find this an attractive behavior.  When you know we are busy and you still do this (because you are NOT busy),  it shows a lack of planning on your part and a lack of respect for our time;

4. Male whining about how bad your ex is/was; We don’t care (just like you shouldn’t care to hear crap about our ex’s!)  You’d be turned off about us bemoaning how horrid our ex is/was -and so are we!  It doesn’t matter what you ex did to you or who she was – unless you prefer to be with her than us… Regardless, this is a turn-off and we probably will just NOT be into you!

5. Smoking without first asking if it’s offensive; this is a big no-no – a guy who pulls out a cigarette in a crowded bar or car and then expects us to share the air with their nicotine.  Would you willingly take part in cancer research we subjected you to – that was harmful to your health?  Unlikely – and so if you do this to us (without asking if it’s okay or excusing yourself and walking away) – we’re most likely NOT going to be into you!

6. No showing after we reserve time when you’ve asked us out and then saying “it wasn’t really a date anyways;”  This one is simply amazing!  A guy I know (who insisted he really, really wanted to see me) pulled out the “I’m too sweaty and tired to see you tonight” after arranging a date a few days in advance.  His response when I told him that I had set aside the time was “well I can see you tomorrow or Friday or the weekend” – NOT!  Any busy, happy female realizes that this is plain disrespectful behavior to assume that he can see you when it is CONVENIENT for him… Gosh, it is any wonder when this happens that we are just not that into you?

7. Calling us “chicks” or “girls” when we are over 25. – Hey, we are women who deserve good treatment – we’re not school girls or barnyard animals (although you might like that – NOT!)  While you may not intend to be disrespectful – you need to know that this is how it comes across.  Don’t be surprised if we are just not into you!

8. Asking if you can meet up with us when we’re out with our girlfriends, then getting ticked off and leaving in a huff when we don’t devote all our attention to you.  This happened with a “friend” who wanted to go out with me (I told him I just wanted to be friends) – he shows up at a place where he knew I’d be with friends (the priority!), ignored my friends (despite being introduced) and tried to monopolize my time.  Is it any wonder after violating multiple points above (whining, smoking, disrespect) that he’s no longer even in the friends WITHOUT benefits category?

9. Ignoring responses to texts you’ve initiated – for hours or days – then expecting immediate responses when you finally do text back; This is a routine complaint from my single friends:  guys will text them and carry on a conversation (multiple texts) then drop “off the face of the earth” when they initiated the text thread in the first place.  When our responses to your texts go unanswered, is it any wonder why we don’t respond immediately when you decide it is convenient to text back?  If we sense a lack of respect or courtesy, you can bet that we will just not be that into YOU!

10. Whining (about anything and everything) – especially when we’re out somewhere. There is nothing more pathetic (and unattractive) than a guy who whines about how great their former city is compared to where we choose to live. Recently a transplant from Scranton, PA incessantly whined about the “high price of chicken breasts” here compared to “Scranton” – it got so bad that I started to encourage him to move back!  If you whine instead of expressing gratitude for life, don’t expect us to be into you!  We have enough drama in our lives without having to take on yours!

Now, I’m not saying all single men over 40 living in Florida (and elsewhere) are bad guys.  I’m simply pointing out that if you are puzzled by female behaviors that confuse or (at times) seem to stymie you – take a look again at the checklist items #1 through #10 – and see how many infractions are part of your regular behavior.

Certainly it is your choice whether you want to/don’t want to change, but if you do want someone to become special in your life, you may want to take a second look at what you might be doing to turn off women.  (And this is just a short personal list of what irks me and my friends – it might not hold true for other women.)

Wishing you all the best – do you agree with my findings above?

p.s., The next posting will concentrate on how to discern:  “You think she’s into you, but you’re just not sure:  A Checklist for Respectful Guys.”


Am I the only one who…

18 May

Do you ever feel like you are the only one in the world who lives by some of the things we used to think mattered?  I’m all for the freedom of expression, freedom of speech, and government NON-intervention in our life, but lately I’ve noticed a trend where I feel like I am alone on the planet with unconventional – even radical – views.

Am I the only one who...Here’s a few examples of what I mean:

Am I the only one who…

Thinks texting shortcuts dumb us down? What is it about saving two letters that makes us think that it’s worth using shortcut words even though it confuses people? I just don’t get why we’d change great to gr8, you to u, your to ur, etc. OMG!

Thinks that good spelling is just common sense professionalism? I get lots of emails with shortcut text, misspelled words and poor grammar.  With spellcheck available with most mail programs, how hard can it be to spell check your work before sending.

Thinks that cellphone calls are not for public consumption? I’d like to know when the rules changed with cellphones that make it okay to use it as a pseudo microphone where everyone has to hear your business.

Still thinks it’s okay to let someone into my lane? I witness shoulder passing (“my time is more important than to wait in traffic with everyone else”), rude speedups (“you can’t come in my lane”), and just plain rudeness on the road.

Is tired of voice response systems (the menu systems that say “thank you for calling, press 1 for …”) where you can’t reach a real person? While I find offshore help desks frustrating when they don’t speak English, at least there is a real person somewhere at the end of the endless menus.

Thinks that if the voice system takes your keyed in information multiple times, the real person shouldn’t ask for it again. I get frustrated when an automated system asks for my Social Security number and account number and locates my account, then the real person asks for the same information as if you had never entered it.

Has turned into my mother because I find that most men my age want to date younger women, and senior citizens find me “hot”? I find that if I have to repeat what I say, wipe noses, or wait for a guy to adjust his equipment – their iPhone or a hearing aid – they are either too old or too young to date.  Oops, I forgot, welcome to Florida.

Thinks that there is a such thing as news without “spin”. I am tired of the slanted reporting and lies in the popular media and the internet. Perhaps I led a sheltered childhood, but I don’t remember questioning whether ever bit of news had a Republican or a Democratic or Socialist slant to it.  I want the facts without the rhetoric, and unfortunately Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart on Comedy Central seem to come as close to it as we can get.

Thinks that you can be friends without benefits. I used to love going out with male friends who were decent.  By decent, I mean they didn’t visibly lust at the waitress, make lewd comments to me about women in our midst, and who were interested in being out and having good conversation.  I don’t know where one can find “friends” today who simply like to go out, enjoy your company, are courteous to others, and don’t try to manipulate you to bed.

Sees the value of exploring the world. I’ve given up on acquaintances whose entire weekend plans (every weekend) involve getting drunk at the local pub every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

Can’t seem to find the “social” in the social media. While I’m in technology and have attended social media workshops, I still can’t understand why strangers with nothing to sell would want to “friend me” on Facebook. If they don’t know me or anyone I know – I just don’t get it. I’m not in the numbers pursuit (also known as the ‘I have more friends than you do’ game) and I don’t understand the “relationship” building one can do with 4000+ friends you’ve never met. I prefer to meet people the old-fashioned way – in person.

Goes to networking events without dollar signs in my eyes. I go to networking events for the sheer joy of handing out a few business cards and meeting some like-minded people in my area.  It seems that networking events have evolved into either meat market pick up joints (e.g., the bar scene) or gathering spots for ravenous marketers hungry to sell you whatever they are hawking (and they don’ t care what you do for a living).

Thinks that the world is becoming less tolerant. I find that there is more expressed racism, sexism, and general intolerance today than ever before. In our ‘flattened’ world I would expect more tolerance and not less, yet I meet people daily who dislike anyone who doesn’t share their views of the world.  Is it just me or are we becoming more judgmental as a civilized society?

Yearns for a more simple time when people said thank you, opened a door, smiled when they didn’t know you, and were interested in you as more than a sale prospect (and not a Facebook friend).

As someone who prides myself as being more open and tolerant of people than when I grew up, I wonder how my views can be as isolated as I think they might be.

At this juncture in life, I question —  Am I the only one who…. thinks like I do?

Have a productive, happy week!


Carol Dekkers, Software Measurement and Global Software Development expert, author, speaker. Want to engage Carol to be a speaker at your next event? Email Ms. Dekkers at dekkers@qualityplustech.com or carol@caroldekkers.com or visit http://www.caroldekkers.com for details.

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