Tag Archives: Solitude

Alone but not Lonely…

22 Apr

I waited literally months and months to be able to proudly announce this!

This is not to say that I’m finished my journey towards full acceptance that being alone is a choice and an honor to myself, but rather to announce to myself that I am whole, complete and perfect, just as I am.

When I got divorced five years ago after an adulthood of being married, I looked around to find that most of my friends were acquaintances who live around the world (that is still true), or neighbors who weren’t really friends (my next door neighbors allowed my ex-husband to live with them for six months after the divorce), and local “friends” who chose sides and were unavailable to me.

wildflowersI felt totally alone for the first time in my life (having grown up with 4 siblings, this was a rare occurrence) – and the isolation and loneliness felt like it was going to swallow me whole.  At the time, I yearned for friendship and the company of anyone who would share a coffee with me!

You’ve probably heard that the universe (or God) seldom gives you more than you can handle – and that all good things come to those who wait – and in retrospect, I have to agree. I would never wish the isolation and utter loneliness I felt on anyone – yet I know that loneliness can be a state of mind as much as a circumstance.

As an extrovert, being alone was not a natural state, but today I applaud the solitude and refreshment that comes from loving one’s own company.  Today I CHOOSE friends who reciprocate my giving, and I no longer tolerate people who use me.  I realize that I deserve people in my life who respect and honor me – and I am cutting out people who do not.

For the first time in my life, I honor that  my new best friend (me) deserves only the best treatment from others – and I will not accept anything less on her behalf!

This wasn’t always the way – when I loved others more than I loved myself, I would end up giving others more than I gave myself and I felt sad that the reciprocity simply wasn’t there.  Now, I realize that the only one who will ever take care for me is me!  You can never be lonely when you are happy to be together in your own company!

Do you agree with me?

My message to you with this post is this:  If you feel lonely in your own company, commit to changing your outlook – one day at a time. 

In other words, commit to becoming your own best friend and finding fun and happiness with him/her.  You will be the only friend you’ll find who is guaranteed not to leave you!

My journey has taken five years (and I’m still traveling) – but it has been well worth the hills, mountains, valleys and swamps I’ve traversed to get here.  There are still days when I recall my daughter’s words after the divorce:  “Mom, you have to walk through fire for a long time to get to the other side, but it WILL be worth it!”  She is too wise for her 27 years!

Begin with becoming your own best friend and cheerleader – today!  Learn to celebrate the great things about you, yourself and you (sidenote: The Royal We is “me, myself, and I”!)

Start by writing down (get a pen and paper right now) 50 things you like about you- or are grateful for… and keep the list with you. 

How often have you thanked yourself for who you are?  Start with saying “thank you for being…” and watch the difference it makes,

Or try the third person technique:  if you can’t get to 10 quickly, pretend that you were looking back at your life and writing about yourself in the third person.  (Here’s an example:  Carol is an eloquent and passionate speaker.  Carol cares about people more than things…)

When you focus on becoming your own best friend, self-love emanates from within and you’ll become happier by the day (no matter what your external circumstances).  Being alone and not lonely is one of the greatest gifts my divorce has given me – I love being with myself, and I am truly grateful for who I am – for me.

Wishing you a happy weekend, whether you spend it alone with your new best friend (YOU!) or the company of others!

Best,
Carol
p.s. It is EARTH DAY today… I am grateful that YOU are on this earth and reading this!


Share

A celebration of emotional sobriety…

14 Dec

Celebration
Five years ago today, a Clearwater judge disconnected the life support from my dying marriage and granted me a new life as a single person.  The day was quite different from the beginning (my wedding day) — there was no fanfare, no celebration, no friends around to bid me well on my new direction in life.  Looking back, it was one of the most pivotal days of my life and marked the beginning of the life intended for me… one filled with emotional sobriety!

Now, do not get me wrong – I was in love with the person I thought I married and had hoped for a lifetime of wedded bliss, but things seldom turn out as we plan.   I do have two wonderful adult children who bring joy to my life and who are, in my humble opinion, a gift to the world around them.  I would never go back and make any decision that would invalidate their existence even for a minute.

Without delving into any details about what happened or led to this fateful (and wondrous) day, I would like to share with you some of the learning points from the past 5 years.  It’s been filled with a pile of firsts – the first time in my life I’ve lived alone (I was a mere youngster when I moved away from home to become a wife, and more than 25 years since); the first time I’ve had to deal with an inflated mortgage in a down turned market; the first time I had to make tough love decisions.  I am proud to say I’ve survived!

So, here’s some of what I’ve learned (with gratitude to those who said it better than I ever could in the quotes below!)

  • It is better to travel alone than with a bad companion. – African Proverb
  • The best gift you can give yourself is the present.
  • Language… has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. – Paul Johannes Tillich
  • There’s a reason that counselors are paid – no one really wants to know the truth when they ask, “How are you?”
  • The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. – W.M.Lewis
  • Being alone is a million times better than being with a narcissist.
  • To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet. – Charles Caleb Colton
  • Mean does not go away. Amazingly, mean people are never alone because misery loves company.  Don’t waste even one heartbeat on a mean person when you can walk away and be with yourself.
  • Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go.  – Len Santos
  • The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. – Mark Twain
  • We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell
  • Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. – Unknown
  • No one can ever love you as much as you can.
  • There’s no need to miss someone from your past. There’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future. – Unknown
  • Wisdom is not the domain of the aged but of those who speak with compassion at any age.
  • Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. – Shari R. Barr
  • The measure of a friend is not if they are there during daytime hours, but that they are there for you when crisis strikes.
  • You cannot build happiness on the unhappiness of others. – Unknown
  • “The Royal We” (me, myself and I) make for great company!

While my life is not perfect, I know that I am on the right path headed in the right direction for my life.  I am grateful for life, and I love the solitude and security of being in love with myself. It is great to know that my intuition and my powers of perception work just fine.  I was never as the song says “Crazy after all these years.”

Wishing you a happy, healthy and safe holiday season!

p.s., To all of you who responded that you support my writing of this blog – thank you!  I appreciate that you read my posts and are a part of my virtual community.  While I enjoy my company, sometimes, it’s nicer to be alone with all of you.

HolidayRegards,
Carol

Share

%d bloggers like this: