Tag Archives: Law of Attraction

Thoughts become words become actions become… destiny?

8 May

I confess that I am sometimes a “serial” blogger in that I post, post, read other blogs, think, post…

One blog I subscribe to is about Expatriate Experiences (I live my Expatriate life-to-be vicariously through her experiences) and today’s post is worth sharing with you:

I’ve heard this many times:

“Thoughts become words.  Words become actions. Actions become habits. Habits become character.  Character becomes destiny.” (Source Unknown)

Read the post and let me know what you think – can we alter our present and our future through the power of (positive!) words?

Have a great day!

Carol

We don’t “attract” the wrong people…

23 Feb

I am living proof that the Law of Attraction (Think and Grow Rich, The Secret, etc.) combined with The Four Agreements and other philosophies work! My life is moving in the right direction with the right people around me, but my happiness journey has not been without its detours and potholes.  My divorce was the beginning of the journey, although I didn’t realize it at the time.  After a quarter century with a self-absorbed husband, I found myself alone with an out-of-control 17-year-old son (his father was my ex who moved away immediately), a stalled career, and ruined finances.  I could only imagine a better life – and today, just six years later, I am finding happiness.  My son is healthy and thriving, my daughter has found a great career, my career is back on track, I have found true friends, and life is good.

It has not been a “cakewalk” – my journey is ongoing, frustrating (at times), lonely, enlightening, exciting, and disappointing, but I am happier than I have ever been. Along the way, the books mentioned above gave me great insight about life when taken in moderation.  However, with books like The Secret, there are overzealous supporters who believe (and spout) myths about the law of attraction.  Believing these myths can actually set you back in your quest for success and happiness.  I would like to debunk two of these “myths”:

Myth #1: You attract everyone into your life with your thoughts.
Truth #1: The world is like a pile of metal shavings… you attract who you attract based on magnetism

In the same way that you cannot choose who you fall in love with or to whom you are attracted, you cannot change this in others.  Humanity is like a mismatched pile of metal shavings (people in the world), where some will be drawn to you and some will not. I believe that attraction between people is fundamentally physiological – either someone is attractive to you or they are not; it is that simple.   The adage of “people like people like themselves” seems to prevail.

What we CAN control:  We CAN change our attitude and presentation to the world and thereby increase our potential attractiveness to other types of people, but our inner beauty and personal magnetism will not change.  What this means is that no matter how hard we “wish”, we would still attract a motley mix of good, bad, toxic, sociopathic, kind, narcissistic, damaged, wholesome and mottled people into our lives. Magnetism is not selective, but allowing them to stick to us should be VERY SELECTIVE! (If only we could buy mosquito repellant to keep away dysfunctional people!)

What this means to your psyche:  When you meet someone who says that you are attracting the wrong people into your life, remember that attraction is not a choice, but selecting who you allow into your life IS A CHOICE.

It helps me to remember that the people who are in my life (through either blood or they were attracted to me and I allowed them to take part in my life) do not have a lifetime pass.  It is my right (and choice) to end or suspend relationships with people who have become toxic to me — even if they passed the screening and selection process long ago.  Even if they are blood relatives, if they inject poison (through verbal or other abuse), we need to safeguard our emotional health and keep away.  We all have the right to positive influences and people in our life!

While you cannot change who you attract, you CAN increase your screening and selection criteria for who you allow to be in your life.

 Myth #2:  Life is a culmination of everything you manifested with your thoughts.
Truth #2: SHIT happens to good people all the time, regardless of their THOUGHTS

Another “rabbit hole” that trips up people who embrace the law of attraction is that “everything in your life you made happen through your thoughts”.  What utter rubbish!

For example, I can tell you that I NEVER wished for – or even thought about – having emotional abuse in my life.  I also did not wish for years of strife with a teenage son.  Nor did I wish for an aneurysm at age 40!  Moreover, I know that whatever strife you have in your life is probably not something you wished for or thought about.  Crap happens and you did NOT manifest it into being WITH YOUR THOUGHTS!

Certainly, our life is a culmination of our actions and beliefs, but circumstances, events and “shit” simply happens, regardless of how much we wish and pray and want something else.  Yet there are those who believe they can control the world with their thoughts and want to convince you that you can too (hmm… was not there a German leader who managed to manifest his thoughts of superiority into world domination?).

I met one of these such people several years ago and it was a downright “scary” experience.  “Mark” was an organizer of a self-help cult-style weekend called Landmark. (Note, I did not realize it was a cult until I saw their abusive and brainwashing at work.) “Mark”  convinced me to attend the seminar (against my intuition) and promised to make it more affordable by picking me up at the airport.  When I hesitated, he convinced me that this was my “ego” trying to keep me from growing and learning. When the weekend arrived, my flight was delayed and Mark reneged on his promise to pick me up.  I ended up taking expensive taxis because there were no rental cars available.  When I arrived at the site, he had lost my paperwork and I had to spend an hour completing new forms.  Strangely, Mark “justified” his poor behavior and the missing paperwork because (in his words) I made all of it happen with my thoughts.  WOW!  Somehow, I had the power to delay the plane, tie up all the rental cars, and psychically destroy paperwork.  When I laughed at his audacity, Mark insisted that even catastrophes like plane crashes are the result of “a group of people whose thoughts are harmonically aligned to bring the plane down.”  Can you imagine believing in such crap?  I left the weekend knowing that insanity is available for anyone willing to embrace dysfunctional thinking, like Mark.

What we CAN control: It is said that life is mostly attitude combined with your circumstances – but at times of strife, it can become so imbalanced that we lose control.  (In statistics, an “average” is the sum of all the events (good points + bad points + all in between) divided by the number of events.  As such, there has to be some great wins to balance out great losses to end up with an average somewhere in the middle!)

We cannot control the crap that happens in our life – bad things happen to good people all the time – but we can choose how we respond to it.  We can stand around the “pile of burning crap” when it lands in our life and make a choice!  We can watch it and wail that it is awful as it burns stronger… we can step in it and get covered in it (i.e., it can consume us)… or we can grab a bucket of water and douse the flames… or we can do any number of other actions.  The reaction and response IS OUR CHOICE, the burning pile of crap that landed IS NOT.

What this means to your psyche:  Stop listening to people who tell you that your life is the way it is because YOU CHOSE IT to be. This is NOT true and you know it! People do NOT choose to be unemployed or lose their home or have loved ones die… it JUST HAPPENS.  These things happen to good people all the time!  Change the things you can, wish (and envision) a better future, and adopt a healthy attitude.  It will not stop things from happening, but hopefully what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

I am sorry that the crap in your life happens to you… it is temporary and you have a choice about your future.  Life can always be better tomorrow, and even in the darkest moments, all you really have to do is make it through the next 5 minutes…

Have a great week and do the Royal We (me, myself, and I) a favor and stop allowing crap to invade your psyche.  YOU are a good person who deserves happiness.  We can all choose happiness and success – but sometimes the universe has a convoluted way of bringing it to us.

Carol

Can all our dreams come true?

6 Feb

Readers of this blog know that I adhere to don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements” (search in the blog for past posts on this topic) and I found the following quote to be of special interest:

Our dreams overlap and we each dream a part of the entire dream, the dream of the planet, which is made by the projection of billions of dreams. – don Miguel Ruiz

While Ruiz talks about our reality being the manifestation and interpretation of our mind, and tells us that we are all always living in a world that our mind “dreams”, I consider that what we seek to become (traditionally thought of as our goals or our “dreams of the future”) are part of our personal dream.

Along these same lines is The Law of Attraction (what you wish will come true if you really believe it) which gained popularity as a book/CD/DVD called The Secret.

The basic premise of the Law of Attraction is this:  What you dream/envision/truly desire in your mind’s eye will manifest itself in your life – and all you have to do is put your goals out to the universe and watch them unfold before your very eyes.

So, my question is this:  if each of us individually has a dream for our life (love, prosperity, wisdom, health, etc) and we truly believe in it, what happens if these dreams collide or compete with those of others all vying for attention and fruition from the “universe”?

Is this hokey?  What do you think?  Can your mind manifest the future?  If I envision a future of my dream job/career, living in a place of great natural beauty, in fine health, and surrounded by wondrous people who accept me unconditionally – is yearning for it enough to make it come true? Call me cynical but I just do not understand how the billions of dreams in the world (with conflicting goals and often at odds with each other) can all come true.

What do you think?

Have a great week,

Carol

There is no “Secret” to Life…

14 Jul

Have you ever purchased a self-help book in the hopes of gaining some insight about yourself and the people in your life?  If you have, then you are on the positive side of life!  Your pursuit of answers beyond yourself shows that you are open to new ideas and open to change.

Those who never consider anyone else or who never look beyond their own limited knowledge of life, unfortunately, don’t see their own culpability in the how they behave.  You know these people in  your own life – they run the gamet from self-centered to sociopaths to narcissists to simply being ignorant in the world.

You may have heard of one of the best-selling self-help pop-culture books to come out of the last decade: “The Secret”.

The premise of The Secret is the Law of Attraction – it promotes the idea that we attract what we “want” or desire in our lives.  I agree that positive visions inspire (and produce) positive outcomes in life, but I’ve struggled with the notion that we attract every person and experience into our lives through our thoughts – it just doesn’t make sense.  I believe that we are magnets for all sorts of energy – some positive and some negative and it is what we do with this energy that influences our future.

I never fully embraced all of The Secret – and I believe it inspires delusional thinking of sorts:  such as, when bad things happen to good people, the followers of The Secret purport that these good people manifested the bad things to happen… and that is just plain wrong. (In fact, some followers support the premise that all the people who die in a plane crash manifested it to happen and that they were all vibrating at exactly the same frequency of energy at the same time).  I say B.S. and I just don’t believe it!

I think that The Secret is really no secret at all – it has a good premise (positive thinking = positive results) but it is overly simplistic (and dangerous) in how it represents life.  In fact, one of the main speakers featured in the movie version of The Secret – James Ray – was actually found guilty of three counts of negligent homicide in the deaths of three of his self-help followers in June 2011.  (See the full London Guardian story here: At the Temple of James Arthur Ray). Hmmmm, did he manifest a jail term and deaths, as his presence in The Secret might support?  I think not – I believe that life transpires in spite of our best intentions at times.  We can control aspects of our life, but we live in an interconnected world with others!

On my delightful (and still somewhat uncomfortable) journey of my own secrets to life and happiness over the past 5 years, I’ve come to realize that

There is no “Secret” to Life!

Here is what I know to be true about (my) life:

  • I believe that the universe is energy and we are all part of the cosmic energy force, however, some people have more negative energy than positive, and thus we need some people who are more positive than negative to balance it all out;
  • There is no reciprocity in people.  Some people are givers, some are takers, some are bullies, some are abusers, some are generous, and there is no guarantee that the people you “attract” into your life will be necessarily good or wholesome;
  • Just because you are a good friend does NOT mean that people will be a good friend to you;
  • One never needs to tolerate abusive behavior from others;
  • We meet all sorts of people in our lives – it is up to us to CHOOSE those we want to keep and those we wish to discard;
  • Just because something negative happens does not mean we “MANIFESTED IT” to be;
  • Love does not mean giving up one’s identity for another;
  • Love should not be painful;
  • People are unpredictable – no matter how long you might “know” them, you can never predict behavior;
  • Many people do not know themselves but are happy to project on others;
  • Expectations lead to disappointment – but a lack of expectations can result in some good surprises;
  • No one can ever “should do” something -“Should” inflicts judgment and criticism on another’s choices;
  • A kind word can heal a broken heart;
  • Everything is temporary (good, bad, fun, sorrow) – change is the natural state;
  • Chaos is a relative term;
  • Friends are the family we choose for ourselves – just because you were born with siblings does not make them “kin”;
  • I am the best judge of what is best for me – not someone else;
  • My intuition works far better than I give it credit;
  • My perceptions are as valid and correct as anyone else’s;
  • An opinion or advice is just a viewpoint of another – and it is my God-given right to ignore them all;
  • Acquaintances come and go — often they are disguised as friends;
  • I will never again be with anyone who is demeaning to others;
  • I deserve true, unconditional love;
  • Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me – but I may simply be kind and you took advantage;
  • Friends follow through;
  • Friends don’t abuse friends;
  • Life is like an ocean full of waves – sometimes things build up to great swells of positive or negative – but eventually things will calm down;
  • Envisioning your future can help your dreams come true;
  • Be careful who you share your dreams with – those without dreams will take yours away;
  • Never make anyone a priority for whom you are only an option (a favorite!);
  • Friends (and family) who are there only when you support THEM are not true friends;
  • Be careful what you wish you – you just might get it!

I do not believe for a minute the incredulous lies of a Landmark Forum salesperson who purported that he had a friend whose travel plans were “never interrupted because he manifests it so” – all I can say is that the guy obviously never travels on commercial aircraft or lives in the real world.

The only secret to life is that there is no secret.  Life is what life is – and the best we can do to bring about a positive future is to envision it, embrace the journey, be happy with who we are, and enjoy the ride as best we can!

Have a great week!

Carol

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Science and positive thinking… proof or poof?

4 Jan

For years I’ve read about the Power of Positive Thinking (along the lines of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale) and The Secret (the Law of Attraction), and I’ve seen how envisioning the future can become reality – it worked when I moved to the U.S. from Canada in the mid-1990’s and my business soared.

Lately, however, I have found that no matter how much I put into positive thinking and visioning, the results just do not seem to manifest in the same way as they once did. I can envision my future state with financial prosperity, abundant love, health, and the level of career success I want.  I can feel this future state with every sense of my being — and yet what worked to create reality does not seem to work today (or maybe I am more impatient as I get older).

While I understand that the subconscious and the universe manifests creation at its own pace (and not mine), I find it frustrating when I do not see any discernible change or progress towards my vision.  Given my engineering background, you may not be surprised that I would like some scientific proof that this positive thinking and energy is working.

In hindsight, 2010 was a mediocre year and I am grateful for my speaking engagements and new opportunities, but also frustrated that my consulting schedule was not chock full or that I made more progress towards financial freedom.  It can be tough to stay positive in a down economy and a dog-eat-dog world — you may have felt the same way in 2010.

Feeling frustrated with a lack of solid signs of progress, I was elated to come across the following video excerpt (from the documentary “What the Bleep Do We Know?” whereby a Japanese scientist Dr. Masuru Emoto has established a direct relationship between positive thinking energy and the formation of complex and elaborate water crystals exposed to it.  (I don’t know for certain if this is fact or fiction.)

The narrative explains that because our bodies are composed of over 60% water, positive thoughts will result in positive changes in our overall water-based physiology.  What do you think?

Is this scientific proof that positive thinking can immediately and positively affect our well-being – or is it an airy-fairy fictionalized stretch of someone’s imagination?

Watch the video (it’s less than 3 minutes long) and let me know what YOU think…

For me, this is immediate and positive proof that staying upbeat and optimistic (even when times are tough) can deliver immediate and positive results.  Even if it is Hollywood hocus-pocus it gives credence and power to my ongoing visioning and gives me hope that my tomorrows will be fruitful in the ways that my visions depict.

Have a great week!

p.s., I am seeking speaking opportunities worldwide for 2011 so if you hear of anyone needing a great speaker, please refer me and ask them to email me (dekkers@qualityplustech.com).

p.p.s., in 2011, I am clearing off my bookshelves and taking at least one book a week off the shelf to share with you. This week it is Zig Ziglar’s “See you at the Top”.  I will report on its high points and give you a short review later this week.

Regards,

Carol


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Hindsight and the Law of Attraction…

17 Nov

The Law of Attraction…

You might have heard of the Law of Attraction (as published in works such as “The Secret” and “Think and Grow Rich”).  The basic principle is: what you think and truly desire will come about if you wish for it earnestly and steadfastly.

Personally, I’ve experienced the power that envisioning your future can have on your present.  As a child I yearned for a life of travel to distant lands — today my work provides me with speaking opportunities to travel worldwide.  Visioning is powerful stuff!

Hindsight is 20/20 as the saying goes…

and I’m finding that the people I used to attract into my life were by and large those who treated me as I believed I deserved to be treated. My relationships often left me feeling sad and I’d wonder why people treated me like a doormat.  I now realize that these people didn’t just treat me like a doormat – it is their modus operandi – they treat everyone in their life the same way, especially those who tolerate such behavior.

In the last 5 years, I’ve experienced major life changes and learned a lot about myself and self-care. I’ve learned to set up healthy boundaries to prevent the doormat syndrome from happening again.  In addition, in the process, I realize that the people who made me feel inferior only did so with my permission. I can see that the people who I once considered to be friends – were attracted into my life (and stayed) because I didn’t realize that I deserved better.

Here are a couple of examples of how these “friends” behaved:

  • One person asked me to speak at conferences she was involved in planning, and invited me to stay at her home during the week.  When I accepted her invitation, she took great pride in talking about me (and another person she invited) at the conference by saying, “You should see how Carol and xxx think that I run a hotel… “In addition, she would trash talk about my choice of shoes by saying “Ooooh, look at Carol’s hooker heels” when I wore shoes with heels.  I admit that I often felt powerless that someone I considered a friend would talk about me like this.
  • Another person routinely would tell me when I was in the midst of an abusive situation that I deserved the treatment because I didn’t directly confront the offender.  She had never been in my situation but was quick to dish out advice and chide me that my decisions were flawed.  I often felt sad during her monologues, yet she was careful to sprinkle in complimentary nuggets so I wouldn’t ditch the friendship.
  • A third person would summarily disregard my opinions by telling me that my perceptions and recollections of events were consistently wrong.  Any protestation was returned with the silent treatment or disdain.  I felt invalidated and learned to question my intuition in this relationship.

I realize that these people treated me (and others in their lives) poorly, but I attracted them into my life because it matched the treatment that I thought I deserved.  I’m proud to say that I’m now equipped with the knowledge that I deserve so much better.  In so thinking, I can see that I am attracting higher quality people in my life.  Today, I am proud to say that my friends are kind, respectful, and high quality, emotionally healthy human beings.

About the three people (and others like them) from my past – I now stand up to them.  They don’t like the new boundaries or that I restrict my time with them, but they have no choice.

The Law of Attraction works and always did.  In hindsight, I can see that those whom I attracted (and who were attracted to me) did not treat me any differently than I believed I deserved to be treated.  Today, I know better and no longer tolerate abusive behavior.

Does this resonate with you and your experiences at all?  Do you agree or disagree with these observations?

p.s., today I can say “Life is good!” and getting better all the time.

Carol


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