Tag Archives: God

There is no “Secret” to Life…

14 Jul

Have you ever purchased a self-help book in the hopes of gaining some insight about yourself and the people in your life?  If you have, then you are on the positive side of life!  Your pursuit of answers beyond yourself shows that you are open to new ideas and open to change.

Those who never consider anyone else or who never look beyond their own limited knowledge of life, unfortunately, don’t see their own culpability in the how they behave.  You know these people in  your own life – they run the gamet from self-centered to sociopaths to narcissists to simply being ignorant in the world.

You may have heard of one of the best-selling self-help pop-culture books to come out of the last decade: “The Secret”.

The premise of The Secret is the Law of Attraction – it promotes the idea that we attract what we “want” or desire in our lives.  I agree that positive visions inspire (and produce) positive outcomes in life, but I’ve struggled with the notion that we attract every person and experience into our lives through our thoughts – it just doesn’t make sense.  I believe that we are magnets for all sorts of energy – some positive and some negative and it is what we do with this energy that influences our future.

I never fully embraced all of The Secret – and I believe it inspires delusional thinking of sorts:  such as, when bad things happen to good people, the followers of The Secret purport that these good people manifested the bad things to happen… and that is just plain wrong. (In fact, some followers support the premise that all the people who die in a plane crash manifested it to happen and that they were all vibrating at exactly the same frequency of energy at the same time).  I say B.S. and I just don’t believe it!

I think that The Secret is really no secret at all – it has a good premise (positive thinking = positive results) but it is overly simplistic (and dangerous) in how it represents life.  In fact, one of the main speakers featured in the movie version of The Secret – James Ray – was actually found guilty of three counts of negligent homicide in the deaths of three of his self-help followers in June 2011.  (See the full London Guardian story here: At the Temple of James Arthur Ray). Hmmmm, did he manifest a jail term and deaths, as his presence in The Secret might support?  I think not – I believe that life transpires in spite of our best intentions at times.  We can control aspects of our life, but we live in an interconnected world with others!

On my delightful (and still somewhat uncomfortable) journey of my own secrets to life and happiness over the past 5 years, I’ve come to realize that

There is no “Secret” to Life!

Here is what I know to be true about (my) life:

  • I believe that the universe is energy and we are all part of the cosmic energy force, however, some people have more negative energy than positive, and thus we need some people who are more positive than negative to balance it all out;
  • There is no reciprocity in people.  Some people are givers, some are takers, some are bullies, some are abusers, some are generous, and there is no guarantee that the people you “attract” into your life will be necessarily good or wholesome;
  • Just because you are a good friend does NOT mean that people will be a good friend to you;
  • One never needs to tolerate abusive behavior from others;
  • We meet all sorts of people in our lives – it is up to us to CHOOSE those we want to keep and those we wish to discard;
  • Just because something negative happens does not mean we “MANIFESTED IT” to be;
  • Love does not mean giving up one’s identity for another;
  • Love should not be painful;
  • People are unpredictable – no matter how long you might “know” them, you can never predict behavior;
  • Many people do not know themselves but are happy to project on others;
  • Expectations lead to disappointment – but a lack of expectations can result in some good surprises;
  • No one can ever “should do” something -“Should” inflicts judgment and criticism on another’s choices;
  • A kind word can heal a broken heart;
  • Everything is temporary (good, bad, fun, sorrow) – change is the natural state;
  • Chaos is a relative term;
  • Friends are the family we choose for ourselves – just because you were born with siblings does not make them “kin”;
  • I am the best judge of what is best for me – not someone else;
  • My intuition works far better than I give it credit;
  • My perceptions are as valid and correct as anyone else’s;
  • An opinion or advice is just a viewpoint of another – and it is my God-given right to ignore them all;
  • Acquaintances come and go — often they are disguised as friends;
  • I will never again be with anyone who is demeaning to others;
  • I deserve true, unconditional love;
  • Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me – but I may simply be kind and you took advantage;
  • Friends follow through;
  • Friends don’t abuse friends;
  • Life is like an ocean full of waves – sometimes things build up to great swells of positive or negative – but eventually things will calm down;
  • Envisioning your future can help your dreams come true;
  • Be careful who you share your dreams with – those without dreams will take yours away;
  • Never make anyone a priority for whom you are only an option (a favorite!);
  • Friends (and family) who are there only when you support THEM are not true friends;
  • Be careful what you wish you – you just might get it!

I do not believe for a minute the incredulous lies of a Landmark Forum salesperson who purported that he had a friend whose travel plans were “never interrupted because he manifests it so” – all I can say is that the guy obviously never travels on commercial aircraft or lives in the real world.

The only secret to life is that there is no secret.  Life is what life is – and the best we can do to bring about a positive future is to envision it, embrace the journey, be happy with who we are, and enjoy the ride as best we can!

Have a great week!

Carol

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Alone but not Lonely…

22 Apr

I waited literally months and months to be able to proudly announce this!

This is not to say that I’m finished my journey towards full acceptance that being alone is a choice and an honor to myself, but rather to announce to myself that I am whole, complete and perfect, just as I am.

When I got divorced five years ago after an adulthood of being married, I looked around to find that most of my friends were acquaintances who live around the world (that is still true), or neighbors who weren’t really friends (my next door neighbors allowed my ex-husband to live with them for six months after the divorce), and local “friends” who chose sides and were unavailable to me.

wildflowersI felt totally alone for the first time in my life (having grown up with 4 siblings, this was a rare occurrence) – and the isolation and loneliness felt like it was going to swallow me whole.  At the time, I yearned for friendship and the company of anyone who would share a coffee with me!

You’ve probably heard that the universe (or God) seldom gives you more than you can handle – and that all good things come to those who wait – and in retrospect, I have to agree. I would never wish the isolation and utter loneliness I felt on anyone – yet I know that loneliness can be a state of mind as much as a circumstance.

As an extrovert, being alone was not a natural state, but today I applaud the solitude and refreshment that comes from loving one’s own company.  Today I CHOOSE friends who reciprocate my giving, and I no longer tolerate people who use me.  I realize that I deserve people in my life who respect and honor me – and I am cutting out people who do not.

For the first time in my life, I honor that  my new best friend (me) deserves only the best treatment from others – and I will not accept anything less on her behalf!

This wasn’t always the way – when I loved others more than I loved myself, I would end up giving others more than I gave myself and I felt sad that the reciprocity simply wasn’t there.  Now, I realize that the only one who will ever take care for me is me!  You can never be lonely when you are happy to be together in your own company!

Do you agree with me?

My message to you with this post is this:  If you feel lonely in your own company, commit to changing your outlook – one day at a time. 

In other words, commit to becoming your own best friend and finding fun and happiness with him/her.  You will be the only friend you’ll find who is guaranteed not to leave you!

My journey has taken five years (and I’m still traveling) – but it has been well worth the hills, mountains, valleys and swamps I’ve traversed to get here.  There are still days when I recall my daughter’s words after the divorce:  “Mom, you have to walk through fire for a long time to get to the other side, but it WILL be worth it!”  She is too wise for her 27 years!

Begin with becoming your own best friend and cheerleader – today!  Learn to celebrate the great things about you, yourself and you (sidenote: The Royal We is “me, myself, and I”!)

Start by writing down (get a pen and paper right now) 50 things you like about you- or are grateful for… and keep the list with you. 

How often have you thanked yourself for who you are?  Start with saying “thank you for being…” and watch the difference it makes,

Or try the third person technique:  if you can’t get to 10 quickly, pretend that you were looking back at your life and writing about yourself in the third person.  (Here’s an example:  Carol is an eloquent and passionate speaker.  Carol cares about people more than things…)

When you focus on becoming your own best friend, self-love emanates from within and you’ll become happier by the day (no matter what your external circumstances).  Being alone and not lonely is one of the greatest gifts my divorce has given me – I love being with myself, and I am truly grateful for who I am – for me.

Wishing you a happy weekend, whether you spend it alone with your new best friend (YOU!) or the company of others!

Best,
Carol
p.s. It is EARTH DAY today… I am grateful that YOU are on this earth and reading this!


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