Tag Archives: Environment

Trust means letting go of the outcome

11 Dec

I’ve been on hiatus – living life to the fullest, meeting new people, having the best time of my life, learning that becoming my own best friend is a wonderful thing!

As part of this journey of happiness (“Happiness is a journey not a destination” – Souza), I am discovering that TRUST is a powerful word laden with all sorts of emotional baggage from the past.  I grew up with an unbalanced view of God and the universe (in my humble opinion) – if anything in my life went well, I was told that it was because of God shining favorably on me.  However, if anything went bad in my life, well that was solely due to my inadequacy to make things go right – and furthermore it must have been due to my personal lapse with God.

Today I know better!  I know that there are certain things that are within my control (trusting my instincts, choosing what is best for me, putting my best self into a relationship, making good choices, choosing whether to stay friends with abusive people, being kind, doing charity, etc.) and there are many things that are completely outside of my control (how other people behave, other people’s choices, what people say or do to me, the weather, traffic patterns, who passes me on the street, when the universe will deliver what I need, etc.)

It’s not really trust when it is within YOUR control…

For me, the road to becoming blissfully happy has been to know the difference between what I can control (me) and what I cannot.  Trusting myself has little risk – the outcome is something that I can reliably count on.   I trust that my perceptions, feelings, intuitions, and outlook are genuine and right for me. It is powerful to know this (and to dismiss as uninformed anyone who tells me otherwise.)

Cover of

Cover of The Four Agreements: A 48-Card Deck

Sidenote:  If you are like me and spent time in a narcissistic or controlling household or marriage or relationship, to arrive at a position of trusting oneself (after years of being told your perceptions were wrong) is an accomplishment in itself.  Never allow anyone to override what you know is best for you – your intuition is the best friend you can ever have!  Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz for guidance on doing this (Agreement #1 – Always live with integrity.  (in other words, respect and love yourself and never say anything to yourself that you would not say to a best friend!)

Trust really comes in when you do not have control…

I believe that our views on Trust (trusting another to put your best interests first) gives “Trust” way too much power over us.

We trust our government to do the right thing (individuals do what is in THEIR best interests not necessarily ours), friends to be there for us (again it may not be in their best interests all the time), family to love us (outside of our control), and the universe/God to answer our prayers and manifest our dreams (timing is outside of our control.)  And when the other party lets us down, we find it hard to trust again.

But, when we reframe the word Trust into a concept where we let go of the outcome and tie Trust to Hope and not Expectations – we can continue to Trust without being angry or hurt by the outcome.

Trust tied to expectations ends up being about me (which is ego-centric and unfair to everyone involved).

Trust tied to hope is about letting go of the outcome and realizing that life happens in spite of us.  This is a much healthier way to live.

Let me illustrate with a few examples:

1. I ask you to mail a package for me and I “trust” that you will do it.

If trust = expectations, then if something comes up (outside of my control) and you neglect to mail the package at the appointed time, I will be angry at you for not meeting my expectations (and putting me ahead of other priorities).  If trust = hope, I can let go of the emotion that the outcome had anything to do with me.  I can be disappointed, but with hope, I can realize that the outcome was not within my control.  I trusted that the outcome would be good, but can live with the fact that it was not what I had hoped for.

2. I ask you to go to a company dinner with me and I “trust” that you will attend.

If trust = expectations, then if you forget to put it on your calendar and make other plans, I will be agitated that I wasn’t important enough (when the result may have had little to do with me.)  If trust = hope, then I can be disappointed, but I can realize that I cannot control you or your behavior.  (I may not ask you the next time, or may remind you next time, but I can live knowing that I am not in control of you!)

3. I commit my dreams to God/the Universe and “trust” that they will come true.

If trust = expectations, then when my dreams do not manifest in the exact time and place I want, I lose faith in God and the universe and wonder what I did wrong.  If trust = hope, then as my dreams unfold in the exact way that is best for me (I have to trust in this) then I am okay with the outcome.  Life seldom unfolds in the exact way we would have it if we were entirely in control, and often it comes out better than we could have ever planned.

The Next Five Weeks…

I have a wedding (my son), a move (5 weeks notice to vacate was just given to me by my landlord), the holiday season (laden with people and stressors), and some family issues to deal with… I know that I will get through it all by reframing Trust with Hope.  I trust (hope) that the universe will help me to find the perfect new place to live; that my son’s wedding will be a day they long remember with fondness; that the family issues will sort themselves out.  But I don’t expect it all to be “peaches and cream and rosy.”  I can do what I can do and Trust (= hope) that everything will turn out fine.

I hope that something I’ve written here resonates with you – have a wonderful December and a Happy New Year 2013!

Carol

Let’s stop being wasteful – in consumerism and in life!

9 Aug

I’ve had a great summer with more beach time than I can recall in recent years. It’s funny how peaceful and contemplative we can become when we sit still and listen to the repetitive lull of the waves lapping at the shore.

Times at the beach lead my mind to wander and wonder – about all sorts of mundane things… like what’s the point of so much consumption of “new” products when yesterday’s products still work?

Last week when I was in New York City, my daughter and I visited a few clothing consignment shops (formerly called second-hand stores) and I realized just how much greener our society could become if we all decided to reuse, recycle, and restore.  It was amazing how good were the clothes as the shops showcased next-to-new clothing, gently worn, at a fraction of the original price!  Some of the pieces still had the tags on them!  Why do we keep churning out miles and miles of new textiles when the ones already fashioned are still wearable?

As I was thinking, it occurred to me that another “wasteland” is in our heads… Have you noticed lately how people love to plant “waste” in your psyche with negativity the minute you mention something good has happened?  I have “friends” who chide me about wearing fashionable black nail polish that I love (“you’re not really wearing that color to work are you? That’s not professional!”) or who project jealousy through my clothing choices (“I don’t think your shirt really looks all that good with that skirt”) or who can’t wait to disparage a new interesting person in my life (“why would he like YOU?”).  When you stop to consider what  a waste of time and energy it is to: 1. listen to them at all; and 2. to allow their negative waste to invade your good day!

My new “recycling campaign” is to repeat and reinforce positive ideas in my head so that I can spread GOOD cheer and not “fertilizer” (aka waste).  I would be ashamed to say the things some people say to me!

Today, more than ever, we need to sustain and nurture our spirits with environmentally friendly thoughts and actions – why not plant seeds of positivism and recycle good words to others today?

Have a great week!

Carol

How Green can One Become?

15 Mar

I have been an advocate of recycling for most of my life – having grown up in Canada where it is simply a way of life.  There was never a question of throwing out a beer bottle in the trash because we had paid a deposit on its use (10 cents a bottle) which you got back when you returned it to a recycling depot.  Homeless people collected cans and bottles because they could be turned in for cash.

When I first moved to Florida 16 years ago, I remember calling the Garbage utilities and asking why the county did not have a solid recycling program – especially for glass.  “Why we dispose of our garbage in a much cleaner way than recycling, ma’am” she started, “we incinerate it!”  I was surprised by the response but took slight solace in the fact that it seemed that at least recycling had been considered.

Today, every business wants to appear earth-friendly and conservation conscious.

The “Green” movement has done much to encourage recycling, but I am still amazed at the wild consumerism we enjoy – even in times of conservative spending.  All one needs to do is to visit a thrift shop and a Wal-Mart on the same day to see just how much “stuff” feeds our consumer society.  Instead of reusing, we buy. Instead of recycling we toss. Instead of buying used, we buy new.  Second hand stores nationwide feature working used items, yet we often prefer to buy new and unused.  I wonder where all this stuff will end up.

I was reminded of the disposable mindset many of us have when I my printer broke down last week – it would scan fine, but just wouldn’t print.  When I mentioned this to a friend and noted that the printer was about 7 years old, she told me to toss the printer as it had outlasted its useful life.  “In fact, I’m lucky if I get two years out of my printers” she added.  Instead of prematurely retiring the errant printer, I called my brother who stepped me through clearing out the software print spooler.  The printer responded and I saved at least 10 pounds of trash going to the landfill.

Here’s a few ideas to become a “greener” person – just in time for St. Patrick’s Day:

  • Use both sides of a sheet of paper – and create a recycle bin of one-side used paper;
  • Collect paper waste (newspaper, bulk paper, envelopes, cardboard, etc.) and take to a recycling center
  • Save clean glass jars and take to your local elementary school art class (to use while painting)
  • Use old towels to wash your car or in the garage as shop towels
  • Use the cardboard inserts from toilet paper rolls (cut in thirds) to keep soil intact for growing seedlings
  • Compost vegetable waste in a backyard container for later spreading on plants
  • Use discarded coffee grounds to enrich garden soil
  • Ask for paper bags instead of plastic at your grocery, then use them to store waste headed for the compost. (Toss the bag and waste daily onto the compost heap)

What other ideas have you found to become more “Green”? I find a bit of hope for the future when I can conserve and reuse the resources we consume. How about you?

Wishing you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Carol

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