Tag Archives: Arts

Positive people are good for you

14 Aug

If you took an inventory of the people in your life, how many of them would you classify as having a positive influence?  Do you feel loved, accepted, and optimistic because of them or do you feel downtrodden, defensive, and inferior?  It is your choice about who to allow in your life as friends, loves, acquaintances – so why not choose those who bring out the best in you?

some peopleWhile it is true that no one can make you feel anything (positive or negative) without your permission – the influence of those who support and love you cannot be underestimated.  When you love yourself and understand that you truly deserve to be surrounded by like-minded positive people, life becomes wonderful.

Below is a slide show of some of the best quotes about positive people and their impact.  Sometimes it’s better to be alone that to settle for people in  your life who don’t appreciate you…

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Put out your intentions to the universe that you want positive, uplifting, optimistic and supportive people in your life – and watch (over time) as the universe delivers!  And remove relationships that are toxic to make room for these new ones.

Wishing you a positive week!

Carol

 

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

2 May

I don’t know if it’s the email spam lists I’m on or where I hang out (the beach) or what’s on TV (I seldom watch) – if you’re not coupled up, you just don’t count.  In the news, the debate about gay versus straight marriage has become tantamount as if marriage and coupledom is the only way of life.

But consider that with over 1/2 of marriages ending in divorce, and an equal split between singles and married adults in the US and one has to wonder why the 50% of singles are nonplussed.  When I survey most of my single friends, many would prefer to be in a committed loving relationship to being alone and would love to find love (wouldn’t we all!)  One friend of mine is miserable because she loves many male friends but professes that she really needs to be “in love.”

The pursuit of love (in my estimation) is a red herring – looking to “find love” should be a misnomer because love is all around us (and in us).  Romantic love (the kind in the movies and fairy tales) is fun, often fleeting, but it is only one kind of love – one that depends on another to fulfill us.  That’s where the problem lies – reliance on anyone other than ourselves to feel love!

Having been married half my life to someone who truly loved himself (and I him), I am discovering that the key to true love can only be found through “selfless self-love” – truly accepting oneself for the combination of beauty, faults, strengths and weaknesses we see in the mirror.  Many grow up without the self-esteem to know that we need to be attracted and attractive to ourself first and foremost before we can truly share love with anyone else.  Yet this is the ultimate truth – self-love is the root of happiness!

I frequently quote don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements because I truly admire and embrace the essence of his work.  The First Agreement “Always live with integrity” truly expresses the core concepts behind self-love.  I used to think that this agreement simply meant one should be honest and ethical – but that is so far off!

“Always live with integrity” means never, ever say anything to yourself that you would not say in love to a best friend.  So, the “I’m too sensitive, too xxx, whatever” needs to be banned forever from one’s vocabulary (both to yourself or to others!) and replaced with “I am who I am and I love me.”  Taking care of oneself first is like putting on your own oxygen mask first on an airplane – it allows you to function AND be able to share with others!  For me, this was an incredible concept as I was always told (and taught) and experienced that I had to give before I received.  Yet, by not giving myself the love I truly deserved, I gave away my sustenance and what I needed to truly survive.  Self-love is not selfish, it is selfless and necessary!

If you’ve read this far (and I’m almost done my rant for the day!) – you might be thinking that I am professing to become as narcissistic as the person I am no longer with, but this is wrong. Or you might be saying “how could you grow up without knowing self-love and putting yourself first?” (It happens to more than me, I guarantee it!)

I’m not saying one should become obsessed solely with oneself, but rather that finding love in the world means starting with truly accepting and loving ourselves.   We truly deserve our own true love.

So, what’s love go to do with it?  Loving yourself in all your splendor is the right thing to do – and once you’ve mastered that – love has found YOU!

Have a great week!

Carol

Celebrities among us…

23 Apr

This past weekend I attended a “wrap party” for a local film festival where a smattering of celebrities graced the event and gained local entourage and special treatment.  It must be life as normal for the celebrities who hailed from Hollywood, New York and elsewhere, but for local Florida residents, it was a chance to rub shoulders with some more rich and famous.

I came to be at this event by assisting with coordination and on site logistics and I greeted guests as they arrived at the event.  I am not one to fawn over celebrities (or even recognize less famous ones) so it was interesting to watch others who did. I believe that everyone, no matter their rank or whether they are  peers, strangers, or celebrities, deserve the same level of respect and courtesy (unless they violate that right).  But, this is not a universal stance.

I found it interesting to watch as various actors arrived with large entourage (who walked dutifully behind them) and who expected (and received) special treatment.  It seemed a bit excessive to see “herds” of ten or more being led into the event. (Sheep came to mind…)

At one point, a group of four drunken baseball fans showed up without passes and expected to waltz off the street and be admitted  as if the party was theirs. Without credentials or passes, they grudgingly left.  Two returned later after befriending an actor smoking on the sidewalk, and felt justified in waltzing in as his new best friends.

Who (and what) makes a Celebrity?

In the field of acting or sports – normal human beings are raised to icon-status with outrageous salaries and fame.  From relative obscurity they are catapulted into fame and fortune – with often more luck than stellar ability, and their meteoric rise often falls equally fast. Yet, their claim to fame (for however long) lies with what our society values and holds in high esteem entertainment as a chosen career, over and above professions or occupations that make a difference to others.   We seldom see doctors, health care workers or teachers (whose impact can be far greater than entertainment value) elevated to any sort of “special” status.

Everyday celebrities…

If one stopped to view life as a series of adventures and survival experiences, more of us and the people in our lives would become celebrities, and that might be good.  In my books, everyone who succeeds through life (through the good, the bad, and the ugly) deserves the same respect, honorable treatment, courtesy, love, and decency that award to celebrity.  We ought to be celebrating (and “celebritizing”) everyone when they succeed in life.

Celebrities are all around us – take a look at all the parents, caregivers, workers, friends and colleagues who choose to make a difference, yet whose lives are normal, everyday, and without fanfare.  Would it not make sense to spread the celebrity status around (and maybe gratitude?)

What do you think?  Can you think of someone you know who might deserve a bit of celebrity status today?

Have a good week.

Carol

Unconditional

5 Apr

Unconditional…

A Dr. Suess concept concocted as a dream, half-baked, and fed to the masses eager for acceptance and love.

Whoever says life in any way is unconditional has mastered self-love (which can be unconditional), and accepts the world at face value and the terms it presents.  Relationships with others are, at their core, conditional on what each party can get out of it.  When one party’s conditions are that the other give completely (while they take completely), the relationship ends. Sometimes conditions are parasitic, sometimes symbiotic, sometimes conditions change. But there are always conditions.

Love is based on relationship(s). Life is a complex web of rules and conditions.  Always changing, morphing, ebbing and tiding.

Not bad, not good, just is. Life is a conditional reality.

Have a happy day – and love yourself for the wonderful person you are!

Carol

Stop giving Outrageous Power to others – Pick yourself first!

29 Mar

A post by Seth Godin last week resonated with me: “Reject the tyranny of being picked: Pick yourself”. One of the most insightful statements he made was:

It’s a cultural instinct to wait to get picked. To seek out the permission and authority that comes from a publisher or talk show host or even a blogger saying, “I pick you.” Once you reject that impulse and realize that no one is going to select you–that Prince Charming has chosen another house–then you can actually get to work.

I completely agree!

All too often we wait for others to guide/help/choose us and we miss beneficial opportunities while we wait! In scenes reminiscent of schoolyard days long ago, we stand around in life waiting for our name to be called and we give OUTRAGEOUS power to people who often have no idea that we named them our team captain!

Even worse is when those to whom we have given our  also disparage us while we stand and wait. (Remember the person in class who was always picked last in gym class for the ball team? Maybe it was you!)  Such is the scourge of childhood – but it should not be our legacy as adults.  Being an adult means being able to choose yourself first!

Dump the baggage or pay the baggage fees…

Airlines charge for checked baggage.  I believe we should do the same with the emotional baggage we carry around.  We need to discard the unnecessary baggage – memories and past indifference that does not serve our best interests. We need to (re)claim our rightful power over our own being – the right to choose us!

There should be a Grown-up declaration day!

Many of us wake up to the realization of choice years after we become adults. How does this happen?  Typically, we’ve gone from childhood to adulthood without a major rebellion – and may have seamlessly transitioned from childhood (where others chose for us) to an adulthood where someone else stepped in to control us (with or without our permission).  For some reason, we missed the critical moment when we became an adult – and never seized the power to make our own choices.

No matter how well-meaning the loving controllers are in our life (husbands, wives, partners, bosses) – we deserve to take back our power to choose if we want to be responsible adults.  Unfortunately, sometimes we wake up to the fact that others are governing our life – even if we gave away our power – after years of unconscious ignorance.  There is good news – it is never too late to take back your power to choose!

You have the right to choose, just do it! It is time to take back the reins, make your own decisions and chart your own life from today forward.  Stop giving OUTRAGEOUS power to others – Pick yourself first!

Have a great week!

Carol


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Is it important to be “missed”?

23 Feb

Why does our importance in life often lie in whether it seems that others accept us or need us?  To me, this is the immortal question of life – how can we gain this sense of importance on our own?

When I am traveling for work, I often overhear someone on a cell phone asking “Do you miss me?”, and it gives me pause because I used to ask the same question of someone far away.  I have no idea why the answer (as long as it was positive) ever mattered (it should not have!)  Today I know that statements made without action to support them are merely lip-service. We want to feel important to people so that we can gain a sense of importance in the world. (But this is misguided – we are important!)

Along the same lines, I found a quote the other day in my in-basket by don Miguel Ruiz:

Many times we don’t see our own creation; we don’t see our own lies. But sometimes in the reflection of somebody else, we can see our own magnificence. By experiencing the love of another person, we can see how great we are. From one artist to another artist, we might see that it’s possible to improve our own art.’

What do you think of this quote?  It makes me feel a little bid sad because it implies that we need to see our greatness our reflection from others. Why can we not see the same reflection in our own mirror?

And what does it mean when such reflection comes up short?  If someone who means something to us reflects back that we are crazy or ignorant, should we take that at face value – or reject it based on not taking anything personally?  (Also a don Miguel Ruiz rumination).

As I state often, our acceptance should be of primary importance and our value in life should never hinge on another.  But this quote seems to fly in the face of that… and I struggle to make sense of it.

What do you think?

p.s., This is my first post to this blog in 10 days, did you miss me ? (wink wink LOL!)

Have a good week!

Carol

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Should I stay or should I go?

7 Dec

Today marks the 100th post

on this blog over the past 2 years… and as people typically do when there is a landmark, I feel like celebrating in some small way.

But, before I do, I’d like to ask you to venture back with me, about where The Dekkers Report started, where it’s going, and whether it is even worthwhile to continue.  I started writing to have a dialogue with you – readers known and unknown – about current affairs (things like Technology Barbie, Bullying, etc.), and to express my thoughts (and elicit comments) about  everyday life happenings.  From my writer perspective, the blog has done that – I know that I’ve meandered through a variety of topics and ideas and thoughts, but I don’t have a real sense on whether it really has connected with any of you.  (Is this the curtain call?)

Evanescence - The Open DoorI thank you for the various comments I’ve received over the 2 years, they have kept me writing when, at times, I’ve felt that I had nothing real or worthwhile to share.  Your responses and comments have been valuable and insightful – I appreciate them all.  So, having done 100 posts, I’m at a crossroads. Readership is small (that can be a good thing) and growing ever so slowly (a writer needs to increase readership!) I could continue to use creative energy to keep penning my thoughts a couple of times a week, or I could funnel it into something else and chalk it all up to an experiment in blogging.

So, I’m going to put it out to you:  what do you think – should I stay or should I go? Do you get anything out of my posts?  Can you think of any compelling reason that I should continue with The Dekkers Report?  Or should I pack it in and spend my energy elsewhere?  Are there any topics that are (or have been) worthwhile to you?

If no comments come back on this post, then the writing is on the wall and the masses will have spoken with resounding silence…

Here in Florida our temperatures are dipping down into the teens (F) tonight so it’s a chilly week here in the “Tropics”… stay warm and healthy wherever you are!  I’m going to celebrate with a spiced latte.

Carol

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