Can I borrow some sanity this week…?

5 Jul

Help!  I feel stuck this week!

One of my favorite quotes (anonymous) is:

There comes a point in your life when you realize:  Who matters, Who never did, Who won’t anymore… And who always will. So, don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it into your future.

I have reached that point, and I’ve decided that I no longer want to live in the past or mourn the loss of so many of my years in a relationship that was toxic to me.  Yet, I feel really challenged to stay up, stay focused on the future, and not have the pain of the past interfere with my present and future.

I can recite positive affirmations, ignore the (doom-and-gloom) news reports, bolster my spirits by feeding my mind with positive self-talk, and override my inner critic with optimism about the future… but somehow this week it’s just not enough.

Can I ask you for help?  I don’t ask often, but this week I really need some outside encouragement.

Let me give you a bit of insight of what’s happening this week:

1. First, let me share with you the positive visions I have:

Along, the lines of Positive Thinking (Dr. Norman Vincent Peale), Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill), The Secret (Rhonda Byrne) and others, I envision and fully embrace a not-too-distant future that I can taste, feel, smell, imagine, see, hear, all bursting alive with:

  • “Feng shui”- happy living arrangements in a great neighborhood;
  • Financial prosperity;
  • Lots of healthy, mutually beneficial relationships and friends;
  • New career adventures (involving international travel);
  • Exciting contracts (at fair market value for my services);
  • Great speaking opportunities (where I can continue to make a difference to my audiences);
  • Forgiveness (of myself and others) that opens the pathway to true love;
  • Wondrous happiness for my grown children;
  • Ongoing great health and vitality;
  • Optimism to face whatever crosses my path without fear!

2. Now, allow me to share with you my challenges: 

  • My house is selling in a short-sale situation (due to a bad divorce arrangement) and the fallout of this will likely ruin my credit and result in a hefty IRS bill for the shortfall (taxed);
  • I have a houseful of items that even EBay professional buyers won’t take (they say that NOTHING is selling today) that I have to get rid of (much of which was never mine).   I can donate items to get rid of them or have a charity come and pick them up – but it is an overwhelming situation now.
  • Voices from my past that tell me that I am not lovable, not deserving, crazy, and my perceptions are wrong are so pervasive in my head that even though the physical people have been gone for 5 years – it is tough to override years of the treatment.
  • Some well-meaning friends tell me not to put any stake in any potential romantic relationships because they know better than I what will or won’t work out. (Yes, I am learning to ignore them!)
  • Despite a resume that impresses even the most seasoned professionals, I’m constantly seeking work where I can help organizations in software metrics and project management… and everyone tells me that it’s the economy.
  • I want to work and live in Europe or Asia and I don’t know how to make it happen!

I’m thinking that the process of culling, consolidating, discarding and sifting through all the “stuff” in my house and facing what others left for me to clean up, is a process.  I’m looking forward to being in a new place of my own that is free from the ghosts of the past.  New space, new energy – it’s bound to be better than the energy of the past.

So, will you lend me some sanity this week?  What words of wisdom can you give me to boost my spirits?

(I promise to return the favor!)

Wishing you a happy, healthy, positive week!




8 Responses to “Can I borrow some sanity this week…?”

  1. Bill Ravensberg Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 8:34 am #

    Hi Carol … No words of wisdom here. But, I will pray for things to work out and that you stay encouraged through it all. You have experienced many high’s and low’s in your life and it is most likely seeming a very large challenge to effectively try starting over when you were probably once thinking that you would be where you want to be at this time in your life.
    Change is never easy but is usually necessary. Isn’t that something us I.S. folk tell the business but are the worst at doing ourselves? 😉
    I trust you will do well because I think that is in your nature and you will succeed.
    All the best!


    • Carol Dekkers Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 10:10 am #


      I appreciate your support – yes, you are quite right about starting over… but thankfully I have a youthful outlook (if not the age) and optimism that somehow karma will reward me for all the investments I’ve made in terms of time and energy to others over the years.

      Success is relative – and I’m glad you see more of it in my future!



  2. Peter Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 2:14 am #


    Please send me your resume. I’ll track down the appropriate folks in Steria to give it to.

    Given your wealth of talents and the fact they are recruiting, may be, just may be, there is an opportunity.

    If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.



    • Carol Dekkers Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 10:03 am #


      Thank you! Can you please send me an email so that I have your current email address to send my resume?

      Have a great UK / US summer!



  3. thetosinteatime Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 2:12 am #

    The title drew me in, and then as I reached the end of your post, I thought “Oh my, do I have any sanity to lend?” Maybe a little.

    On my blog, I expounded on the Stuart Chase quote “For those who believe, no proof is necessary, for those who don’t believe, no proof is possible” and at the end I surmised the necessity and challenge to believe in you even when your mind is playing tricks on you (

    The only sliver of sanity that I could remind you of (as I believe you already know this) is to refocus away from the challenges and zone in powerfully on just one of your visions – I believe this will prove quite powerful, I had to do it yesterday (and that is no fib) and it has made for a much better day today.

    all the best,
    T. Richard (


    • Carol Dekkers Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 9:34 am #

      Thank you for taking the time to comment – I love your blog!

      Yes, the “believing in me” no matter what is good advice – and focusing on a single item on my (positive outcomes) vision list would also provide direction. I’ll try that today!

      Wishing you a happy week!


      • thetosinteatime Tuesday, July 12, 2011 at 11:20 pm #

        Thanks. I found myself going back to read your “Toxic people…” post. I am a professor at a university in Northeast America and will be sharing that post with my students. I trust that you are a bit more sane this week than last.

        all the best!


        • Carol Dekkers Wednesday, July 13, 2011 at 11:26 am #

          Thank you for your kind remarks! Yes, this week is definitely more sane than the last, but am constantly amazed at the things people blurt out before they think. I had a good friend this week tell me that she thinks she attracts better people into her life than I do… (implying that she is superior?) I just left the comment on the floor (so to speak) without reacting (I actually realized how insensitive it was only later) – but it was all about her projection.

          Amazing how people spew words out that can be harmful and damaging – yet have no conscience for having done so.

          Life is learning every day! Let me know if you ever need a guest lecturer at your university classes – I’ve spoken and keynoted in 27 countries!



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